CNN Last week, we penned a public service announcement demonstrating a few of the ways you can guarantee a nonresponse in an initial online dating message, no matter the quality of your profile or personality. Tech Innovate Gadget Mission: Chat with us in Facebook Messenger. Find out what's happening in the world as it unfolds.
Story highlights In your message, make sure to indicate that you've read the profile Limit compliments to personality-related praise, not physical Be brief and give your prospective sweetie something to respond to. While we received a fair amount of gratitude mostly from online daters tired of finding such hapless missives in their inboxes , we also received many a request for tips on what to write in a successful first note.
One humanity-loving reader also took the time to inform us he suspects we are "two former high school cheerleaders who now have an inferiority complex," a flattering if inaccurate assumption that we were once capable of killer herkies and immense pep. While it's infinitely more fun to tell you what not to do than it is to give you helpful pointers hey, the Ten Commandments weren't written in the negative for nothin' , this week we're heeding your call.
Before we proceed with the advice-shilling, though, a big disclaimer looms. Even if you write an excellent first letter, there is no guarantee that the recipient will write you back. If there were a magic formula, some genius would have cracked it by now. Every online dater has had the experience of reading an impossibly sweet, heart-bursting message and thinking, "Oh, sigh, I wish we could use this site to arrange dates for our friends or make new totally platonic acquaintances, because the sender of this message is clearly a lovely person.
This is simply part of the numbers game that is dating online and in real life , and it's the reason online courtship is not for those with rickety self-esteem and hair-trigger rejection sensitivity. Because most of your messages will go unanswered, doesn't mean there's anything wrong about you. Certainly you're brimming with foibles, but your intended date doesn't necessarily know that yet. Online dating gives you a bit of an advantage in that you can strategically plan that first message so it hits home with a bit of a punch.
Unlike an everyday face to face meeting where the words just tumble from your mouth in no apparent order.
So why is it that so many guys and girls yes girls too fail miserably in avoiding the move from the Inbox to the trash can? Extensive research into online dating statistics show that there are some set rules that we all need to follow. Netspeak is the main culprit when it comes to unsuccessful first mails. The words if you can call them that ur, r, u, ya, cant, hit, realy, luv, and wat, are the top nine worst words to use in an opening message.
Mails that contain these words will get practically no replies proving that intelligence or maybe just good grammar is an attractive trait in both sexes.
Surprisingly, though, ha ha and lol were considered ok to use. Perhaps this is because using both these terms shows a sense of humour, another trait many seek in a partner.
1. Make sure your profile is complete before you message anyone
But hehe , while still effective tends to sound a bit like a supervillain. Now it might seem strange to say that after we just told you to use correct grammar, but messages that start off with Hello or Hi come across as run of the mill and perhaps a bit boring. So while you should avoid using netspeak too much, using slang or an unusual greeting is considered a great move.
Once they do of course, game on! Try these tips to keep the online dating conversation going.
Online dating? Eight tips to craft the perfect first message - AOL
So, they loved your opening line, and you two really do have a common interest. Dive a little deeper and start building a bond based on that shared enthusiasm. I do love Netflix documentaries! My favorites are always the ones where they try and solve some sort of crime or mystery. Have you seen it? My sister will be pleased someone has succeeded; she actually has a place up near Napa, so lives for stories about wine and keeps telling me to watch.
Online dating? Eight tips to craft the perfect first message
But enough about my family. Or have you always been based in this part of California?
Stunning part of the state, you must tell me more about it. A word of caution though — the nature of online messaging means that things like tone and emphasis can be easily misconstrued, and what you intended as breezy can come across sleazy. The Beach Boys, those Napa Valley wines, and yes, the sunshine. You do seem to fit in that category — because, like them, you seem like you could spread happiness wherever you go.
2. Create an intriguing opening line
Flirty back-and-forths are a great way to build rapport and write the kind of online dating messages that get responses. But just how do you go about asking someone out online? To make sure they meet you, start by proposing a simple meeting.
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I know this great little wine bar downtown.