Do some guys just want hook up

They chase after me very intensely, sometimes obsessively for months or even years but they seem to just want a fantasy and not the real person. I made the choice a few months ago to just completely stop dating because I honestly could just not take any more of it and then last night a situation got me very upset and I have been crying in my pyjamas ever since. My friend, Mark, has been friends with me for about 2 years when we started working together.

Since day one he was obviously really attracted to me, but when we met he had just started dating someone else and he is still with her, so we never got together. We have been friends though for the past two years, we chat bit about general stuff - politics, work and know each other fairly well. I'd have said I considered him a friend and someone I trusted and who I thought valued me as a person and he's been a great cheerleader through all my dating disappointments; always telling me I deserved so much better and would find someone who was good enough for me.

A while ago he confessed to me that he was thinking of leaving his girlfriend because he could not stop thinking about me the past two years and it was messing with his mind. I suggested to him that we stop speaking and he figure out things with his girlfriend and that if he was ever single he should look me up because I'd be open to dating him, but only if he was single.

Last night he sent me a message and basically told me he had tried to push me out of his head and couldn't. He told me he thought about me every day, all the time and he said I was so beautiful, so incredibly sexy, so smart, so funny and so unique and that he was finding it really hard to let go of the idea of being with me.

I tried to have a reasoned conversation with him about it and I said to him that maybe if he had felt this strongly about me for two years consistently, that maybe he should break up with his girlfriend and we should explore dating. He said to me that he'd considered that but he felt we were "too different" and a relationship wouldn't work. I just got so upset by that. I mean - what is he saying? I just want someone to see me as a girlfriend, and not just an object.

Is there some sort of quality I am missing? Delete Report Edit Lock Reported.

Respond Your response must be between 3 and characters. Himself Send a private message. I have an indelicate question, and please do not feel you have to answer it. Were you having sex with the men you dated for a month or two? If so, that might be working against you. It might be a good strategy to make it clear you don't multidate and don't want to be with a man who does. You want to date to get to know them, and probably keep sex off the menu until you have both agreed to be exclusive.

I think that sends a message that you are serious about a relationship. That's a limit my wife had when we first met. I respected that, even though I fierce wanted to bed her still do. Don't mistake that a man wanting sex is always a sign you are being treated as an object. We all do, we just don't all want to pump and dump. So your mission is to avoid those men.

Putting the no multidaters in a profile delicately of course might help to sift out the kind of man you're having trouble with. You might also want to try some meet up groups to widen your social circle of men. I'm biased toward meeting in person rather than the Internet if possible. It's how I met the missus. Edited on March 25, at Delete Report Edit Reported Reply. This reply was removed by a moderator. Thank you so much.

Your wife sounds very lucky: Hopefully one day I meet someone who feels that way about me too. I don't mind the delicate questions.

I sometimes sleep with them early, sometimes I wait quite a while. One guy I slept with on a second date, one I made wait for almost a year before I even agreed to a date in the first place - and so I don't know what hurts worse. To get used for sex right away, or to have someone you have known a long time do it? Before you ask, no the sex wasn't bad - both those guys still contact me to say "that was the best sex ever, I always think about it", trying to get a repeat performance and yes, I ignore.

It always follows this pattern I give them a shot 3. I walk away 5. They come running back 3 - 6 months later saying they made a huge mistake This literally happens to me every single time without any exceptions. I am going to be 40 in a few months, and it just makes me sad that I just want to be sharing these parts of my life with someone I can trust and who sees me for who I am.

It's just really lonely and I feel like something must be wrong with me that people want to sleep with me so badly but can't bear the idea of actually being my boyfriend! To be clear, I don't think waiting a long or short time matters. What matters is to be exclusive first.

As for the chasing, I think you might nip that in the bid by just going out with a chaser fast. Then make your decision about whether words and actions match.

Yes, there may be some who are eejits, try to move on. It, sadly, takes going through a number of men to find the one for you.

• free online dating sites in singapore.
• The New Rules Of Hooking Up - AskMen.
• More From Thought Catalog;
• 40 Signs He Wants A Long Term Relationship Vs. He Just Wants To Hookup.
• dating sites for bigger girls.

Yes maybe that's good advice. I did always work off the presumption is was a given that if you're dating and sleeping together it's exclusive but I am not sure everyone shares my ideas on that! MrsVanDeKamp Send a private message. This is so true. My husband was used to sleeping with women within dates. We waited two months to have sex because I wanted to make sure that my then boyfriend wanted a relationship.

I have the same problem too. Your advice is very good Himself. But how do you go about asking to be exclusive without them running to the hills and how do you word it? Also my now ex boyfriend when he was my boyfriend has sex at his but won't take me out and when I try talking to him in a club he ignores me cause he says he says he wants to pick up other women.

I asked him to make plans and he just says he doesn't want a relationship but I been seeing him for a year and a half, how is that not a relationship??? I met this girl last week that he also fucked and we were talking about what an idiot he was. I told her how he had treated me and she said hes also going camping with an ex this week and she said please save me from him. Edited on July 24, at Nicky Send a private message. Reading ur text was like I had wrote it , I have exactly same thing happen to me Lousyweather Send a private message. This is a difficult question in that none of us know the real you, only he person you choose to put out before us What King said, certainly.

Single Moms and Dads! I am one , have a stigma attached. Your child ren come first, and rightly so.

• The New Rules Of Hooking Up With Online Dating, Revealed;
• 25 Men Answer “What’s The Difference Between A Girl You Date And A Girl You Just Hook Up With?”.
• the league dating app buzzfeed.
• netflix dating shows.

But potential suitors, be them male or female, view this as less attention that's available to themselves, so, a big negative. Also, what type of man are you attracted to? Do you gravitate toward the "playas" who aren't in truth looking for a real relationship, just sex? Many women are, and they seem clueless when the man goes on to the next girl. Have you talked with men who know you as friends, rather than a potential romantic interest?

I have always been attracted to men my age or a little older, always attracted to a good education and intelligence, always attracted to a good conversation and good sense of humour and I like little signs of kindness like how they treat a waitress or talk to their kids. I am really turned off by bad boys so I am surprised I have ended up with "playas" when that's not what I want.

In my age bracket I honestly don't mix with single men much anymore - they are all married to my friends.

Ask a New Question

I do have a lot of male friends, yes, but most of them are married now too. I really don't know what it is. I guess it must be some "unmarryable" quality I am giving off because all my friends are married! I wish I knew what it was. I have no issue attracting men, just getting them to care for me.

I know the child dilemma Any date I went on, I would tell the woman that until my children were of age, they were my number one, and if they couldn't deal with that, lets chat, finish dinner, and go our own ways. Eventually the kids grow up and you have more time for dating. You know, the scariest thing for me, upon finding myself single again, was that big sea of potential mates that I recalled as a something, certainly had dried up to a stagnant little puddle 20 years plus later. You will have to put up with other peoples eccentricities, which they have gained throughout their life, just like your own.

THEN, you have to decide if you can deal with that or not. Some you will, some you wont. You do have to be a bit proactive mixing with men who interest you. They wont be coming to your front door knowing you are available and want a date. You have to put yourself out there, again and again, until it works. Guys are out there I think it makes sense for single parents to date other single parents.

That way, both partners can be more understanding about the precedence children must take in a parent's life.