Make sure you enter the relationship with a healthy self-esteem or else you may find yourself feeling jealous of the deceased person and impatient with your date to move on. However this would be an unwise thing to do since you will be setting up yourself for constant comparisons to the deceased person. The widow, in fact, may need reassurance that you are not trying to be a replacement for her lost spouse. Rather be yourself and let her enjoy your company.
10 Things To Know Before Dating A Widow
A date or a companion? When dating a young widow, especially one who has been recently bereaved, it is better to start as friends and see where it goes from there. What you might see as attraction may just be her way of having some companionship and she may not be ready to move further. On the other hand a woman who has lost her spouse may be looking for someone to fill the void in her life whereas you may be dating simply to meet an interesting woman.
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If you are not yet ready to enter a relationship, make sure she understands this. A widow is already coping with feelings of sorrow and loss and it would be unfair for her hope where none lies. Above all, be someone she can have a good time with.
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Help your date to forget that she is widow even if it is just for a couple of hours. Make her feel special like any other woman out on a date. Have fun and do something exciting together. If she wishes to talk of her loss, let her but move on to another topic when she is ready.
Consider implications in case things get serious However if you do want a relationship with her, go ahead but with patience and understanding. Remember that you are getting into a situation that will require more tact and forethought than a normal relationship.
If she is young, it is likely that she has a baby or a toddler from the marriage and may feel torn between her maternal duty to and her desire to live her own life. Meanwhile, broader popular dating sites such as eHarmony also cater to those who are ready to find love again. We caught up with Abel Keogh, author of Dating a Widower , to seek advice for those returning to the dating world and to hear about his own personal experiences as a widow.
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What I was writing about apparently resonated with readers because I started getting emails from women who were searching for advice about the widowers they were dating. I put my personal experience and recurring issues I saw in the emails into my first book, Dating a Widower. W hat is the hardest thing about dating again? When I first started dating I was looking for someone who was similar to my late wife both in looks and interests.
Once I did, the dates went better and it was easier to open my heart to those who were very different. A re there any differences between widowed men and women when looking to get back into dating?
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They view the loss of their spouse as a problem that needs to be fixed and see dating and relationships as the best way to mend their broken hearts. Most get their lives and hearts in order before testing the dating waters. They tend to experience similar issues and emotions and make the same mistakes. I was widowed in my 20s and I see widowers in their 30s, 40s, 50s and older making the same mistakes I did. That is, we just start dating because we want companionship, not a relationship. H ow common is it to get feelings of guilt or second thoughts when going on a first date? Let your partner express her thoughts and feelings about her loss.
If she wants to share those memories with you, listen openly and patiently. Encourage her to share these thoughts with you. In doing this, she is showing that she wants to bond with you. Engage with your partner during these moments of conversation. Keep your ears and mind open. Try to learn more about what kind of person they were and the life they shared with your partner. What other trips did you and George take together? Respect moments when your partner wants to grieve alone.
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Sometimes your partner will resist sharing her grief with you. Some aspects of her relationship with her late partner, such as the events surrounding their death or their last few days of life, may still be too painful to share.
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She will talk to you about the past only when she is emotionally prepared to. Take care in how you refer to the deceased spouse. Avoid using common platitudes to comfort your partner. Would you like to talk about it? Even seemingly innocuous events may trigger sad moments for your partner. These moments are a completely normal part of grief, even several years after a loss. Respect her grief during special occasions and anniversaries. Birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and death anniversaries may be hard for your partner. The most you can do is be there. Ask her if there is anything she would like to do to commemorate the date.
If she says she wants to be alone, respect that. Recommend therapy to your partner if her grief seems severely prolonged. You may want to look up the symptoms of complicated grief as part of your research on mourning and loss. This can include extreme grief reactions on a daily basis for several months, changes in sleep and diet, and deep yearning to be with the departed loved one - sometimes to the point of self-harm.
Help your partner find professional support if her grief has escalated to this level. Take the relationship slowly at the beginning. Instead, take your time getting to know your partner and bonding with her. Dating after spousal loss is an intimidating process, so your significant other may have reservations about taking this step in the first place.
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Ask your significant other what her expectations are for the relationship. Many people date with the intention of creating a long-term relationship, widows included. Be sure to talk with your partner about what you both are looking for in a relationship. If you both want a committed, stable relationship, feel free to proceed with each other.