I m dating a black guy

One of the first things she told me was how attractive she finds black men. As I mentioned, we were in a gay bar. She had absolutely no ulterior motive and no shot with me. She was just making conversation, and she was doing most of the heavy lifting, so I let her flex her stuff.

Actually, I find them more attractive than white people. I also like white men. I find them beautiful, too. But I just find black people to be better looking.

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The men are just hotter. She must have read my mind when she made the disclaimer about finding white men attractive, too. I hate any kind of exclusive or discriminatory thinking when it comes to race and sex, even when it works in my favor. I have no problem with racial preferences. But in reality as well as on TV and in movies, the highest-profile interracial couples have been white women with black men. And a number of biracial celebrities — including Alicia Keys, Drake, Halle Berry, and Wentworth Miller — were born to white mothers and black fathers. I have a theory about white women and black men, and it goes a little something like this.

However, once their curiosity is satisfied, their long-term behavior is probably less likely to be racially motivated.

And I realize there are always exceptions. One can probably say the same thing about gay black men who date white men.

Interracial love and lust, from “Get Out” to “Younger” to real life.

Again, this is not a blanket theory. I once presented this idea to a friend a white guy who dates black men exclusively , and he had an intriguing response. He said it probably has to do with the male emphasis on the physical. Men are driven primarily by physical attraction when choosing a partner, while with women, other factors can play just as vital a role.

I knew the woman I was talking to probably never would have been having this conversation with a white person.

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Clearly I was first and foremost a black man to her… a gay black man. But this was not a pick-up, so I let her continue. She started to tell me about the guy she lost her virginity to 20 years earlier. He was black, and they remained great friends.

Now here is where our interaction started to venture off the rails. She pulled out her phone and began clicking through photos. I see people watching me with a stink eye, noses turned up, as if they think black and brown people would somehow be better off if I dumped my white girlfriend.

I started reading James Baldwin, Ta-Nehisi Coates and other black and brown authors looking for guidance, a road map, help on what it means to be a brown man in the world. Like: Yes, our bodies have been colonized.

Yes, I am a child of blackness. Yes, the black body has done more for society than it has gotten in return. Yes, society seems to want to embrace a lot of things associated with blackness without actually being black. How did we get here? If everyone is so woke, why are things so terrible? Anyway, what am I supposed to do? How do I love as a brown body in the world in a way that makes everybody happy? Am I the problem or is everyone else? Do white women find me attractive or do they see me as some exotic idea they should find attractive?

Do I find white women attractive or do I see them as some exotic idea I should find attractive? Not because of what or whom we love, but as a way out, a way of being seen and of being saved. That my power is only as valuable as the person by my side.

A whole system is coded within me. Before I was born, my mother told my father she was pregnant at 3 a.

She and my pops made a commitment to give us children everything they never had, to strive and achieve and provide for us, and in response to their aspiration, some in their world thought they were leaving their roots behind and trying to become something else. What does that mean — trying to be white? In truth, colorism has always been a thing. I should have spoken up. You ever look at old family albums? You ever look at me? You ever look at yourself?