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If you have a child to a man like this, your child will grow up feeling inadequate no matter what you do to try and change things. Yes it seems exciting at first, the thrill of never truly knowing what he will do next, that fades with time, especially when you try to communicate and he packs his things, stalks out if the door, leaving you with a baby alone, feeling like nothing you do is right.

Let me warn you that it will continue until you become emotionally shut down, suffering with PTSD. People casually say leave him but you remain trapped by your own empathy, you feel sorry for him! I should add to that as the years pass, your physical health will decline, all that stress, constantly on edge, constantly in flight mode, it will destroy your health, your career, your self esteem, anything that was one YOU! This man can go from screaming in your face to answering the phone in a happy jolly amiable persona.

  • Eight Signs He’s Not Worth Dating.
  • 8 Signs You Are With An Emotionally Unavailable Man — www.mfarrow.com.
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  • Girl Just Admit It: 14 Signs He’s Just Not That Into You | MadameNoire.
  • You will start to hate him. If you try to leave you find out that the ground has been already set, the dirty work of alienating you from everybody has been done. Just opening the front door becomes a challenge, you feel unworthy, ugly. So, my advice to you is to get as far away as possible, let him sort out his own problems, if you try to help him it will lead to your demise. Happiness will become a memory if you go down this path.

    What you have written is absolutely beautiful and so very true.

    10 Things a man will do only if he really loves you

    I divorced a man like that 14 years ago. I am still trying to erase his memories. I wish you the very best and hope somehow someone comes and rescue you or you find the strength to start again. After reading your article, my ex husband was exactly like that. One day I left. But did not stop crying for the next 10 years. I hope you start to walk. When you get the chance RUN!!! Save what part of your life you still have living the beautiful and selfless you!!! OMG, you have just described the last 5 years of my life. That man hurt and destroyed my mental and emotional state of mind. He has moved on to someone else just like I never ever existed.

    Crazy part us my heart tells me I still love him, but my head knows it is best ti o stay away. At the age of 57 i went through it for 5 years…. It took me by surprise. I mean he actually came back each time ive lost count. False promises is in their nature. Then says its a man thing.

    31 Red Flags That A Guy Is Not Worth Your Time

    Its about immature narc men i think who destroys our selfworth and I allowed this as I kept going back. The only way i realised what was going on was when one of the girls he cheated me with told me. Its been six months now, ive sort of met someone else and the difference is massive. I think we as women should not allow this behavior at all at the very first sight of them pulling the ignore fase we should stop all.

    As grown mature people this emotional unavailable men is unacceptable as it really destroys the partner involved. I will probably not recover from this experience as it knocked me hard. But I learned and I learned a hard lesson. As nothing that is true will ever come out of their mouths ever. Can a 54 yr old man who has been alone over 15 years and seems to enjoy hanging out with his guy friends more, ever be capable of marriage with me and live with me and two children?

    He does seem to slowly be opening up, but his life is still so compartmentalized. I know he loves me very much.

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    When I try to picture him living with me and my two young children, I see it totally stressing him out and it scares me. My boyfriend does not work, and spends most of his time at home online talking to friends both males and females. He has withdrawn from me, and he barely texts me anymore. Only online female friends….

    More From Thought Catalog

    What should I supposed to do now? If he truly cares for you, he will find a way. The prevalent narrative is that they have magical emotional intelligence because of their lady parts and you are incapable of understanding their intuitive proclivity for emotional soothsaying, even in the face of logic and reasoning to the contrary. I agree that emotionally unavailable men need help but they first have to acknowledge they have a problem and decide if they want to work on changing it. And that goes for both men and women.

    You say you are in a relationship now for 8 years with 2 kids. I share all of that in this free class: Try thinking of men as primitive apes for a second or just as cavemen. Who do you think has a higher chance of survival: Instead of trying social bonding like with fellow females, try talking to him about objective, goal oriented topics without any mention of gossip or emotions. Not in some emotionladen bs, but in way that is goal oriented: Because that is something he understands. Then after two month everything will be way better. I am six months pregnant and going through this where he has completely shut down.

    I dint knke if he will even be here for the birth. What a lovely name, and I am sure, a lovely woman. You can handle this. You need to stop freaking out about his non-responsiveness, and start focusing on YOU. Please take a couple of steps back, disengage from the relationship, and focus on YOU. Gather your OWN family around you. Start talking to your OWN family. Reach out my dear, because you will find unconditional acceptance and the support you obviously need. At the end of the day, you WILL find the strength and pride and determination that has always been inside you, to be both a woman, and a mother.

    To hell with what he thinks. You need to concentrate and focus every part of you on your current situation. I wish you strength, and I wish you a safe and happy delivery. Just you and your baby.

    Buh-bye, guy! 8 signs he's not worth your time - GirlsLife

    I was very young when we got together and was still grieving following the sudden death of my father. Our son is grown now. The only way you can have an even vaguely successful relationship with a person like this is to close a large part of yourself off. Unfortunately after a few years of this, you will become emotionally unavailable yourself out of self preservation. Anything you object to will be turned around on you, something you did ten years ago will be thrown back at you. To you, by then, it will make you feel loved! No matter how serious it becomes, be prepared to deal with trauma alone.

    The more you turn away from them, feeling hurt, the more they will want you physically. I believe in the love someone, set them free notion. But neither are you. So why do you feel like you deserve no better than this? You will spend your whole life making excuses for your emotionally unavailable partner. If they recognise the problem and are prepared to get help, fine.

    If you have a therapist who spells this out for you, your partner will get angry and say you have a terrible therapist. Reading your words has been like hearing my own thoughts. They are getting selfish rewards for their behavior at the expense of our emotional well being. My ex could easily be diagnosed with NPD. It sounds like yours could too. We can and will conquer this with time.

    I just got out of my abusive relationship about 2 months ago. So I have a lot of healing to do. I have absorbed all the comments on this site, and my heart goes out to all women who have endured whether for one month or 20 years. You set your own standard in terms of what you will and will not accept. It is all very well to fall in love, and be in love, and it is incredibly painful and heart-breaking when you fall out of love as a result of having exhausted yourself emotionally, spiritually and psychically by trying to break through to your man.

    It is a true, and painful fact of life that we attract that — and those — who and what we feel to be worthy of us a woman. Just as a woman who was neglected and abused as a little girl will be drawn toward a career in which she can fix people, so will an emotionally or physically insecure woman be attracted to — and will be attractive to — a man who is either just as mixed up, or is looking for a partner who will prop him up. Yes, you love the idiot, and you have an emotional or other investment in him.

    You need to love yourselves first and foremost. In fact, it is so normal.