I checked out his profile and - no picture. But his message was so earnest and possibly unintentionally hilarious, that I just wrote back to him as I would anyone else. Also, he listed horseback riding as an interest and that was just too strange not to comment on. I didn't have a lot of tolerance for site-based email, so I provided him my personal email address immediately and when he emailed me again, he provided a photo. That's when he also told me that he's a teacher for a relatively conservative group of folks, hence the cloak-and-dagger profile sans photo.

As much as I don't like it, I can respect that he's protecting his livelihood and that it wouldn't be his choice to remain professionally pseudo-closeted. While I wouldn't discount someone simply because they don't have a profile photo and it sounds like you don't!

If they're interested in meeting you, the burden is on them to provide everything you need to get to know them and make an informed decision.

That necessarily includes a photo. So I advise you to just correspond with them as if it is understood that they will provide you a photo it really is part of the unspoken covenant that griphus references. If you need to drop a hint, maybe use language that lets them know that the deal isn't sealed.

IF it's a site based around fetishes, it might be more likely someone doesn't post a photo in case it 'outs' them. Although, when I used OKCupid a million years ago, there was one profile where a guy posted a picture of himself with his face blanked out using the clone tool. It's not always a sketchy thing.

Just ask for them. There's no need to give any explanation. Anyone using a dating site understands that people want to see photos. If you happen to be talking to the rare person who can't understand this, then the individual in question has so little social awareness as to be not worth your time. I understand the need for privacy but I won't recognize you without having seen a photo.

And I need to make sure you're not my boss! No pics is a red flag. Put up pictures, giving up control of our privacy and potentially outing ourselves to anyone who signs up for the site, and possibly others as well.

Men: Y’all Have Got To Stop Asking Women To Send You Pics

The end result of this can range from an awkward question or two to physical danger. Put up pictures but lie about our preferences, finding others through PMs, coded phrases or other shibboleths "I loved Secretary! If they do, plausible deniability. Don't put up pictures and significantly narrow our options, but maintain our privacy. I'd take a slightly different approach. Narrow your dating pool just a bit by letting those profiles without pictures go, especially since you've put in the effort of providing your own.

You wouldn't go out on a date with someone wearing a mask would you? The same goes for dating sites It's not completely shallow to want to know what the person you're corresponding with looks like and whether you're attracted to them. I didn't automatically weed out people who had no pictures - I ask, they provided, which was fine - I assume they wanted to know whether I was interested first before sending out their pictures.

I basically said, "hi, thanks for your message [blah blah blah I'm interested in your profile blah blah blah], I'm not comfortable chatting with profiles that don't have any picture, would you mind sending me a recent one?


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Yes, because my pictures were out there and also because physical attraction is important to me. But it wasn't necessarily a red flag. There were other, way bigger, flags usually. I put the words "Please have a picture" in my profile, and it probably helps weed out the no-picture types. I still get messages from guys who don't have profile pictures, but they usually send a backstage pass so I can see some pictures of them. If I get completely pictureless people contacting me, I just ask.


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It's really no big deal. Hetero teachers avoid posting photos too. Good luck maintaining discipline in a class full of teenagers once they find your online dating profile and start sharing the link with each other. Some people are fine emailing pics, but not posting them on a profile where they'll be indexed by Google. It's a reasonable request and Xingcat's phrasing is fine. With the others, just ask for a picture. Sure, but they can wait until they meet me. I hate that they are so visual.

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I hate it too. Ruins their chances with me completely. Looking forward to chatting, but can I see some pics in the meantime?

Learn How Zoosk Works

I hated that too! There was a time, when I only had one profile pic, and I realized, only one pic can be enough for men to approach me, no matter what. Jeez, when I had like 6 photos, there were creepy guys who would saw my pics many times a day without writing me….

Online Dating and They Want More Pics? Don’t! – Suzie the Single Dating Diva

I sent only, when a guy sent me back or sent me first,then I responded back. Any time a guy asked me to send him pics my assumption was that he was hoping I would send something racy. Argh, this happens to me all the time. Some actually ask for more pictures even after first date so…. Problem is, this online and text crappola has become their substitute for meeting and dating. Men are cheap and sleazy today. I thought I was the only one feeling like this.

Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work For Most Guys (And What To Do About It)

Mail will not be published required: You may use these HTML tags and attributes: The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except as expressly permitted in writing by A New Mode, Inc. I hate when guys ask for pics. Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 of 86 total. May 7, at 5: Do you have no pics on display or do they just want more? Amy S, I have 6 pictures on my profile 4 body shots ; I think that is more than enough. May 7, at 6: July 2, at 6: July 2, at 7: July 2, at 9: