GROWING up as a queer Asian person in Australia can be a unique and tiring ordeal.

Do we belong to either western or eastern culture? Are our desires influenced by our struggle for identity?

Why queer Asian men often date white guys - Star Observer

And what commonalities lie within our collective psychological experiences? The tension of east and west and some of its complexities are especially exhibited in our dating scene. In popular gay Asian colloquialism, there lies the cultural notion that desires revolve around two specific racial choices — rice or potato? This divide seemed commonplace, even manifesting itself within a speed dating event in Sydney.

Two gay men swap Grindr profiles to highlight racism on LGBTQ+ dating apps

At the event, we were given 12 dates at five minutes each and no one was allowed to talk about work. Interestingly a lot of the people I came across were open to everyone in terms of race when I asked them. I wanted to pry even further though, so I inquired if there were any patterns or differences in their dating experiences when it came to dating either white or Asian men. Three people separately mentioned smell which I guess is fair.

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A guy called Don told me he felt more comfortable with Asian guys since more of them wanted something similar in terms of a relationship , while Caucasian men were either interested in a hookup or seemed much older than him. Another person, Jason agreed with this and said that he preferred Asian men because they were similar in their traditions. Jason also felt that other Asian men were culturally more family orientated and more open to monogamy and dating, whereas western guys appeared to be focused on sex.

As Eric continued to talk, he revealed how he became more comfortable with his cultural heritage growing up. It was during that process he became more open to dating other Asian men.

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Jason also recalled a similar experience. He believes some Asian men go through a journey where they discover themselves in life, and then are ready to date other Asians. In a sense, being able to attain this whiteness even through association through others marks a sense that we belong to this sort of class.


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Growing up as an Asian person in Australia can also be a disorientating experience be- cause of the bodies that surround us. We might personally wish that we had blue eyes and blond hair so we fit in to the represented ideal or normal person.

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And in addition to our sense of selves, our skewed ideals of romance are constructed through the same lens. The dating app has released a new video series called 'What the Flip', where two gay men of different backgrounds swap profiles so they can see the treatment the other receives on a regular basis. Our hope is to raise awareness around the problems modern gay men face online and in real life and be a part of the discourse that works to create more tolerance and empathy for diversity in the online dating world. The first video in the series shows a white gay man and an Asian gay man swapping profiles, and the results are eye-opening.


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The white user used an Asian man's Grindr profile for a day, and was confronted with slurs and stereotypes he'd never heard before. The white user explains to host Billy Francesca that he received far less interest as an Asian man, and ended up having to ask race-related questions like 'Are you into Asians? He also came across the term 'rice queen' for the first time a terms used on gay dating apps to describe a gay man who fetishises Asian men , and learned that sexual stereotypes were associated with the term.

He also receives a racist slur after not messaging one person back fast enough.

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The Asian user was amazed by the amount of interest white men receive on the app, and said he couldn't keep up with the amount of messages. He also says he was receiving NSFW Not Safe for Work images from men far earlier in the conversation than he does when he's using his own profile. He received no vitriol, slurs, or abuse. How do you stop racism once and for all? The same as you would when facing a racist individual: Indigenous gay man screenshots racial abuse online An Indigenous university student has started sharing the frequent racist messages he receives on gay dating app, Grindr to show the wider community how common racist dialogue is on dating platforms, particularly in the gay scene.