And your knowledge of those things makes you culpable in them as well. I strongly suggest you start by trying to right some of those problems. My husband and I are close friends with another couple.
We have a six-year old boy, and they have two children, an eight-year-old boy and a four-year-old girl. For years, now, the kids have socialized, because we socialize. I know it sounds horribly snobby to say this, but their kids are allowed to do whatever they want, whenever they want. Is there a way to deal with this without jeopardizing our relationship with our friends? I see two courses of action for you, PP. The first is to begin to limit the amount of time your kids spend together. I'm not OK with what you're doing, and I don't want to be around you if you're going to keep doing it.
The question is "do you want to still be friends with this person? Do you want to be their friend, their support, their ally? That is great advice - thank you so much. I like the way you phrase it. It's not overly harsh but it does convey that I do not approve. I feel like maybe I haven't been good about communicating that I think what she is doing is wrong.
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Jamie talks a lot about how dating at 35 is so hard and she's so afraid to be alone. Want to add to the discussion? You should judge someone who knowingly sleeps with a married man who has a family. It reflects poorly on her character and should be a huge red-flag for you. You need to do what's right for yourself here, and do not make any apologies for it. You can tell her "I don't want to hear about [ married man ] any more. But I'm also wondering if she actually meant that even if he is attempting reconciliation with his wife, that she would still want to date him, and that it did not matter to her because she likes him THAT much.
I guess I might have focused less on judgment and more on concern for her. But yeah, this horse doesn't want to drink your water! I might have drawn some kind of boundary though, if her level of need got to be overwhelming, probably temporarily.
Maybe I'd have suggested counselling or something. I don't think it's a great situation, but what heyjude said is probably why it's going on. But if you can't take having to hear about that situation, it's probably good if you nope out now. Ach yeah I have seen this happen. The deceit went on for almost a year. Devastated my friend who is incredibly open-minded and readily accepted his modern explanations of his modern arrangement It's a valid concern. What I would have done: In my experience, I've never found that friends and acquaintances really want relationship advice when they ask for it, they just want validation.
I try to listen as best I can and change the topic if I feel unable to refrain from saying something negative. If I feel that someone is making a choice that I find absolutely morally reprehensible generally this has happened to me with respect to other values, not relationship choices, but ymmv I stop hanging out with that person.
I would caution that being separated and actually going through the process of being divorced are two VERY different things. The former is like any other breakup. The latter is, for some, a hellish, emotionally draining process of turning a relationship you thought was over into a financial transaction. If she's willing to stick around through that, bob's your uncle. But she should be prepared for what she's in for.
(Closed) My best friend is having an affair with a married man
People put off getting divorced for all sorts of reasons that don't involve cheating on their separated spouse. In your shoes, I'd have bought up my concerns once, maybe twice if she absolutely insisted and then dropped the whole thing and let her find out this information about HER relationship as HER relationship evolved.
It's not even clear that these two ever met in real life, which is where most people would feel comfortable divulging personal information to a complete stranger. You seem to have jumped to a conclusion that your friend was helping a married man cheat when you have no idea, so I'm not surprised she got upset.
What would I do? Mind my own business.
My best friend is having an affair with a married man
My friend wants to date a married man is actually your former friend is dating a separated man. You're in your late forties, and have been divorced for nearly 20 years. You've written that you knew you and your ex-friend had different value systems, even before her new relationship came up. When she hounded you for advice, you could've stated your reservations and then requested it not be a topic of conversation as the subject made you uncomfortable.
You were right to end the friendship given your discomfort. I'm just confused why you had to drag the process out, and why you're conducting an opinion poll now and favoriting your own contributions, and the one answer that has your stance unequivocally in the right. It's a big, varied world, and she's an adult making her own decisions. I'm sorry your friendship was a bad fit, and that its dissolution is not bringing you joy, either. Ok so your friend was using you, right?
By hounding you with her relationship details, she got to relive all the sexy drama bits and bask in your scandalized expression again and again in the guise of asking for advice. And she kind of made you part of this thing, enabling her.
My Friend is 'Dating' a Married Man
You hate her choices and that she kept involving you. You were not able to turn it off. So you dumped her.
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That's not a bad choice. Better would be to quietly dial back the friendship, become less available and tell her "nope" every time she starts discussing the guy. But if she was, like, pinning you against the wall to force you to listen, yes, you dump her. What's irrational about it is how you are so invested in proving to her and to us that only your ethical approach is the right one.
You're yelling around in this very ask me and went out pf your way to mark your own answer as "best", despite this question ostensibly being about other people's opinions. I think you need to get away from this need to be the only morally right one, somehow. You can't control others and you will make yourself and others unhappy trying.