Do you have seizures? He made me feel like it wasn't a big deal. Not everyone is as open as Franklin's boyfriend, and many people may run in the other direction when hearing about a neurologic condition. Rejection is always challenging, and no one is an expert at dealing with it, agrees Kalb. But if you don't, there's no chance that a relationship can happen.
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Sergio Rodriguez can testify to that. But in January , he met a woman through a mutual friend, and they hit it off immediately. I told her right away about the MS. For the first time in my life I know what it's like to truly be in love and on the same page as my partner. Somebody who's willing to judge you on your diagnosis? That's somebody you don't want to be with. Dating when you have a neurologic condition can have practical as well as emotional challenges. For many people, transportation is one of the biggest problems. If your mobility is limited, how do you get to your dates?
That means his schedule dictates our relationship. Munson can't drive either, and Indianapolis doesn't have a strong public transportation system.
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There are other logistical challenges, and everyone comes up with their own solutions. A neurologic condition can also limit the length and type of date you can go on. Because of fatigue, Franklin can't stay out all night, and outdoor concerts in the summer are difficult because she's sensitive to heat. Munson warns against the temptation to let a new partner assume caregiving functions too quickly. As for Milliken, she had several shorter-term relationships. She broke up with a well-educated banker who spoke fluent French and was an Ironman triathlete after five months of dating because it just didn't feel right.
Then, through a mutual friend, Milliken met Tyler, the man who would become her husband. Married five years, they now have two young children. But others are still looking—including Johnson, who is trying to expand her social circle through events on Meetup.
I have a business. I have a lot going on.
When people actually see me in life, it's so different. I'm going to go out and hope that through a less pressured interaction, I will meet a person who is compatible in my life. And I think I will! That positive attitude and feeling comfortable in your skin is half the battle toward finding a good romantic partner, Kalb says. T he prospect of your child entering the dating world is daunting for any parent.
But when that child has a neurologic condition, concerns about rejection, heartbreak, and basic safety are magnified. How can you help your child navigate the waters of youthful romance without becoming a helicopter parent? Shafer advises parents to have a good understanding of their child's developmental profile and other health problems, since helping them with dating—just like helping them with school and other life stages—may differ depending on those challenges.
To get a handle on whether your child is ready to date or to prepare him or her for a first foray into dating, consider these questions:. Whether your child has seizures, impaired mobility, or cognitive problems, a neurologic condition may affect his ability to date. Assess your teen's limitations and determine how to deal with them.
If your child has a less visible condition like infrequent seizures, is she keeping it a secret or can she talk about it openly? Once your teen gets to know her date better, she may feel more comfortable talking about her condition. Help your child learn about her condition and how to talk about it with peers. Ask your care provider or check with advocacy organizations for information about counseling and peer support that may help. If your child can't drive, he definitely won't want his parents chauffeuring him everywhere, especially as he gets older.
Some medications, for example, may increase the risk of birth defects, and pregnancy can also impact the condition itself—or vice versa. Find out which contraceptive measures are most effective and will not interact with her medications. If your daughter does become pregnant and there is a risk of birth defects, talk to your health care team about folic acid supplementation. And don't forget about the boys, says Shafer.
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Although they can't get pregnant, they still need to learn about contraception—and if their condition is in any way inherited, that's something that should be addressed in any discussion of sexuality and pregnancy. If you're not comfortable discussing these matters with your child, contact a nurse or counselor who can lead the discussion.
Designed for young adults and teens, this section of the Muscular Dystrophy Association website has plenty of relatable blogs.
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She was like, 'I think you're doing the wrong thing,' and we'd have an argument about it, but not to any great extent. They have pamphlets on relationships I think from epilepsy people, I've never had to use any of their advice and I think I can deal with that part pretty much on my own.
Quite a few people said that, since their diagnosis, they had become more cautious or careful about who they ask out or develop a relationship with. Many preferred to get to know people as friends first, before getting involved more seriously. This way, people didn't need to feel awkward about when and how to tell a new boyfriend or girlfriend about epilepsy because they were already aware of it.
I was like you know there's something I haven't really told you 'cos I didn't see there was any point of saying anything. And he was like, 'Oh, what, why? He said yeah, he says, 'You're quite controlled in that way aren't you'? I said yeah, I said, 'There's a reason why that is,' and he was just like, 'Oh why, what's the matter. I just had to see you were alright with it.
No, you know, you know, I don't want you to see me I was looking I was looking like rubbish. So there are days when I don't really want you to see my like this and you know he was just like, 'Oh okay, okay then, are you sure? He said, 'Right I'm coming round and make you lunch,' and he bought me a bottle of 'feel good juice'. So yeah he's been really good with it. I feel like it was mistake to sort of burden an ex-boyfriend with it, I've tried to sort of be good with it and everything and plus what with it being controlled and he was just like.
He's actually seen me have a fit now and he says he was absolutely fine, he says, 'Don't worry about it, he says you know, you knew it was coming on, you told me, I got you in a safe place, and you're fine. A few people said they felt less confident about dating now than before their diagnosis. Some also talked about how, because of frequent seizures and lack of social networks, it was difficult to meet new people.
One woman said epilepsy had knocked her confidence so much she didn't want to ask anyone out because she feared being rejected. At the minute I feel like I'd rather go out with someone that I know very well, or that I know, at least know quite well because then the epilepsy for a start won't be more of a problem, they know more about me. I'd feel horrid about going out with someone, like on a first date, if I didn't know them very well.
When do you bring it up? When do you tell them? What point do you tell someone that I have epilepsy? And by doing so, by actually sitting down and telling them are you make too much of a big deal about it? And I think in that way it's made me very afraid. It's made me very afraid of getting involved in a relationship because you bring up a whole great heapful of things that you don't necessarily want to tell someone that you're not very involved with yet. And yes, it has made me kind of afraid, but what can you do?
It's just the way life is. So getting the balance right, when to tell and if you do tell, is it gonna scare them when you don't yourself know them maybe? I think it's changed the way that I think about relationships with people and I think the reason that I'd rather be friends with someone now before going out with them, is that I've kind of tested them, because you know at a certain point in my friendship with people it does come out. It just comes out, why don't I drive? Why don't I drink? I tell them and if I've known for a while then they have kind of passed the test, so I then I don't mind going out with them.
I've got much less to lose. So it has changed the way that I get involved in relationships a great deal and probably for the better. You know it means that I'm lot more picky. But it is good. Many people felt that, if their boyfriend or girlfriend couldn't cope with their epilepsy, then they wouldn't be the right person for them anyway. One man said that epilepsy was a part of his life so any girlfriend would just have to 'take it or leave it'. It is difficult when it comes to relationships but at the same time, I suppose in a way it's a risk you gotta take really.
It is a bit of a pain as well when, a couple of times I've done this, you know the whole talking to a couple of a girls and the whole charm, really putting the effort in, giving it my all, and then, bang [clicks fingers] I go down and you think, 'ah God it was all wasted for nothing,' [laughs].
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In certain cases they've come back to me and said, 'It's broken the ice a bit more. A couple of people who hadn't yet dated much, said they were a bit worried how epilepsy might affect their future relationships or finding a partner.