Finally, after at least an hour of arguing, I got in the shower, got dressed up and went into town — on my lazy day! It was only when I demanded he leave because I was obviously leaving, that he left, too. Sometimes there are no answers in life, and even if there were, would you want to know them?
However, Mandy, 36, would like to know. Yes, I went there specifically to take him home.
7 Horrible Truths About Hooking Up With Your Ex
So, we had sex, and it was a lot of fun! The next morning I left him in my bed and went to work.
When I got home I noticed that pretty much all my non-perishable items in my kitchen, as well as my expensive pens — I love fancy pens — were gone. Yes, I was sleeping with, like, two of them, but it was a dick move on her part, because we were, and still are, broken up. Um, duh, lock, hide, or give your phone to a friend when an ex is around. Yes, you might end up back at their place, and it will feel unreal.
Make sure you only hook up. Though it sounds harsh, if you're going to hook up with an ex, then you should only hook up with her. Be honest about it. Don't make an excuse every time your ex wants to go somewhere public with you. Tell her that you're not looking for anything other than hooking up. Hooking up with your ex can be fun and exciting, but that doesn't mean you should do it every night, because guess what? That's starting to look like a relationship.
If you're basically only hooking up with your ex, then you're not letting yourself meet other girls or have any fun on the side. The more time you spend together, the more likely you both are to be hurt, so keep it fun and spontaneous instead of setting a hook-up date for every night of the week. Keep it fun and spontaneous.
If you see her out, then take her home. If not, then don't call her or text her to find out where she is. You're not supposed to care that much, remember? Don't get too comfortable. It can be tricky to hook up with an ex without feeling too comfortable. No cuddling, no passionate kisses as you leave, and no hanging out around the house in sweatpants eating cold nachos from the night before. All of these signs show that you're too comfortable in the non-relationship and that you're on your way to dating again.
If you want to hook up with your ex without any trouble, then you have to maintain control of the situation at all times. Don't let her set the terms of your hook up, and try to keep things at her place so you remain the master of your own domain. Don't cancel your plans to hang out with your buddies if she wants to hang out; tell her you'll hang out with her if she's free.
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This doesn't mean you should tell your ex exactly what to do; you should find a time and place that works for both of you, but you shouldn't fall prey to her needs. Keep your new relationship private. Don't hang out with your ex in front of your friends, go to a party with her because she doesn't want to show up alone, or tell your friends that you've been hooking up with her again.
- This Is the Only Time It's Okay to Hook Up With an Ex.
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The more people you bring into it, the more complicated things will get, and you should keep it simple -- just between the two of you. If you start going out in public with her and hanging out with her friends, they'll immediately disapprove and tell your ex that she should set the terms for your relationship.
7 Horrible Truths About Hooking Up With Your Ex | Thought Catalog
If you bring her out in front of your friends, then she'll start to feel like your girlfriend again. Avoid "lovey dovey" stuff when you're hooking up. Maybe when you were dating, you would be tender with your woman, telling her how beautiful she is, how much you love her, and how much you love the little dimples in her cheeks. Well, all of your Romeo-moves have to go out the door at this point, or she'll get the wrong picture.
She'll think, "He said I'm beautiful -- he must still love me," or "He ran his hands through my hair -- it has to mean something. You can tell her how hot she is and how much you love her body, but stick to the sexy -- not the tender -- compliments if you want it to last.
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Stop if one of you starts developing feelings again. Unfortunately, it'll be hard to keep hooking up with your ex without having one of you develop feelings for the other person again. As soon as that happens, you'll have to push the eject button on the non-relationship, or things will only get worse from there. Unless you're still really in love with your ex and are using your hook up moves to win back her heart -- incidentally, a terrible idea -- you should cease and desist the second you or she shows signs of having feelings. If you start getting that achy feeling in your heart and start musing about what a great relationship you had while knowing it can never work, then it's time to leave.
If your ex tells you she misses you, sends you sweet not sexy texts, or says she wishes you could do some couple-y things together, then it's time to bow out. If you have to end the "relationship" for this reason, explain yourself first. You shouldn't be a jerk just because it's over.
Forget about post-sex snuggling.
Cuddling can send the wrong message, says Needle, or cause one or both of you to feel an emotional attachment again. Spooning, hand-holding, and even meaningful eye gazing after sex with your ex could lead to confusion or hurt. Fall asleep once the action is over, or take off and sleep in your own bed. Refrain from drunk dialing. Doing couply things with your ex like you used to—staying home watching Netflix, or agreeing to attend a work or family function together—will make it hard to not second guess your feelings.
Because it's so hard to be sure about your feelings, some experts advise never having sex with an ex ever. Here's How to Tell.