The key is to learn to work together as a team. A healthy relationship involves give and take, with both individuals participating fully in the partnership and looking for ways to support each other.

Effects of ADHD on Sexuality

It should feel like an equal exchange. For example, if neither of you are good with money, you could hire a bookkeeper or research money management apps that make budgeting easier. Divide tasks and stick to them. The non-ADHD partner may be more suited to handling the bills and doing the errands, while you manage the children and cooking.

Evaluate the division of labor. Make a list of chores and responsibilities and rebalance the workload if either one of you is shouldering the bulk of the load. Delegate, outsource, and automate. If you have children, assign them chores. You might also consider hiring a cleaning service, signing up for grocery delivery, or setting up automatic bill payments.

Split up individual tasks, if necessary.

I’m OCD. My partner’s ADD. Here’s what happens when we travel.

This is an area where the non-ADHD partner can provide invaluable assistance. They can help you set up a system and routine you can rely on to help you stay on top of your responsibilities. Start by analyzing the most frequent things you fight about, such as chores or chronic lateness. Then think about practical things you can do to solve them.

I'm OCD. My partner's ADD. Here's what happens when we travel.

For chronic lateness, you might set up a calendar on your smartphone, complete with timers to remind you of upcoming events. Your partner will benefit from the added structure. Schedule in the things you both need to accomplish and consider set times for meals, exercise, and sleep.

Set up external reminders. This can be in the form of a dry erase board, sticky notes, or a to-do list on your phone. People with ADHD have a hard time getting and staying organized, but clutter adds to the feeling that their lives are out of control.

OCD and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

Help your partner set up a system for dealing with clutter and staying organized. Ask the ADHD partner to repeat requests. To avoid misunderstandings, have your partner repeat what you have agreed upon. Attention Deficit Disorder Association. Overwhelmed, secretly or overtly, by the constant stress caused by ADHD symptoms. Keeping daily life under control takes much more work than others realize.

How does ADHD or ADD affect relationships?

Subordinate to their spouses. Their partners spend a good deal of time correcting them or running the show. The corrections make them feel incompetent, and often contribute to a parent-child dynamic. Men can describe these interactions as making them feel emasculated. They often hide a large amount of shame, sometimes compensating with bluster or retreat. Afraid to fail again. As their relationships worsen, the potential of punishment for failure increases. But their inconsistencies resulting from ADHD mean that this partner will fail at some point.

Anticipating failure results in reluctance to try. Longing to be accepted. One of the strongest emotional desires of those with ADHD is to be loved as they are, in spite of imperfections. Surprisingly comfortable in the middle seat, he presses his knees into the back of the chair in front of him, settles in, and lets one fly. He farts on every plane ride, and claims that everybody else does too. Trapped in the window seat, I poke him in the arm. People are going to think I did it. When the plane successfully reaches cruising altitude I turn my focus to my calves and wait for a thrombosis.

Shawn smiles in his sleep. When we travel, he always smiles, and he carries all of my heavy bags, and the kids too if they are with us. Often he remains oblivious to our itinerary.

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He wakes up in the morning whenever I ask him to, and he socks away extra money to buy me a gift. After twenty minutes, the drug enters my bloodstream with the force of an engulfing wave. I feel my chances of survival improving. The cabin no longer smells like a discarded sock, and I wonder: Is this what it feels like to be Shawn?


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But the psychiatrist and Dan wanted to try a stimulant, and because Dan was over 18, the decision was his. As his new psychiatrist would later tell us, this should have been an immediate red flag. My son should never have been prescribed this drug, and taking it was disastrous. Fast-forward again two and a half years and Dan is now a senior in college. He has been medication-free for over two years and his OCD, in his own words, is practically non-existent. His program of study is still intense but he is doing well academically.


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He is still somewhat disorganized and on occasion has been known to lose things. I will say that I know that things are not always what they seem, and if you or someone you care about have been diagnosed with both of these disorders, I recommend that you do your homework.

Dealing with Symptoms Together and Overcoming Relationship Challenges

Read, research, ask questions, and make sure the diagnosis makes sense to you. Your thoughts, feelings, and insights should be considered. After navigating through a disorienting maze of treatments and programs, Dan made a triumphant recovery. Janet has become an advocate for OCD awareness and wants everyone to know that OCD, no matter how severe, is treatable.

There is so much hope for those with this disorder. Her own blog, www. She is married with three children and resides in New England.