Now there is one for those with a penchant for prisoners. Prison Inmates Online offers 1, men and a few dozen women who are serving time in clink in the United States and wish to form a relationship with an outsider. The site shows photographs of hunks working out topless in the gym, and information on likes and dislikes, but nothing about their crimes. Herein lies the problem. While we should all support any initiative that encourages healthy relationships and contact outside of prison, many of these men will still be a danger to women.
I have met a number of prison personnel who tell me they are concerned about the women who write to male prisoners who have committed serious acts of sexual violence. I once interviewed a woman who was waiting for a man to be released from a life sentence she had met via the prison penpal service. He had killed two women in domestic violence situations. My interviewee was desperate to marry him, and, although she knew of his crimes, was convinced she could change him. There are currently around British women engaged or married to men on death row in the US, most of whom met through anti-death penalty campaigns.
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I have spoken to a number of women in the UK who are involved with male prisoners. Most tell me that they had no intention of forming a romantic attachment, but simply wanted to offer support.
The more you know up front, the better prepared you will be. Ask them what they actually did. It tells you, in part, what to be mindful of. Know what they are doing to change, to better themselves. Do they have an out date? Some may find having a partner in such a limited capacity a plus. Others may want someone weeks from returning to society. I personally would suggest meeting someone with a little bit of time left. Give yourself a minimum of three or more months to get to know this person.
There is a reason for discounted prices. Extra time gives you the best opportunity to get to know them and solidify whatever foundation you can.
Dating a Man Who Just Got out of Prison
That may enable you to withstand the weight that goes with their return to society. How do you envision the relationship?
Give it a try and see how it goes? Fix the wrongs in your life? Whatever your expectations, be realistic with them. Be mindful that a lot who are getting out have little to no money, and if they do, their immediate goal will most likely be to get situated and stabilize their self. It is so important to have that talk as soon as possible and to continually update that. What do you expect, anticipate? The response from friends was funny when I showed them this. It depends on the situations.
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Mainly it is on you to know — how are they living? Remember, you may start your search for a loved one in here , but ideally you want them to come home and stay home. If going to seg is never their fault, be careful. An inability to be accountable or responsible, combined with poor decision-making, should be further clues. In here, there is time, more time and then extra time to do most of what you want to do.
If their time is spent watching all the TV series and talk shows, if they play cards all day, then what aspirations do they have? If not in here, why out there?
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Phone conversations and erotic letter writing are ways to gauge if a spark exists. Do they have a preoccupation with sex? Every bit of information is a clue to better knowing your potential partner. Who comes to see them?
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Do they have multiple names there? If they are reluctant to show you their approved visiting list, is there a reason? Perhaps those names are your competition. The same way you are looking for love, others are as well. All prisoners have access to their list, so ask for a copy. Do they stay in contact with family? Are they estranged from them? What level of contact do they have? Some families lacked closeness prior to the person coming to prison.
In other situations, the separation was a direct correlation to their behaviors. Did they sell the family television? Did they steal silverware, jewelry, the family dog? If unable to mend family ties, if they lack the desire to do so, those could be indicators. People who have more support and connections tend to do better upon release, giving you and your relationship one less struggle to manage.
Is this person who they represent? What are the subtle and glaring misrepresentations? We all have them, even in the free world. Women have their hair extensions and whatever other enhanced aspects to them and men do as well. It could be as simple as faking fashion sense and style.
Do you really know about their hygiene habits?
Are they who they say they are? In here there are many ways to make money, selling artwork and the such, but another one is letter writing. Do they have obligations when getting out? Be sure your relationship is two-way. Hopefully, these tips help. Love can be found anywhere, and with work, it can flourish. Be mindful and be careful. Have realistic expectations and be wary. There are scammers and those with a limited capacity to truly know others on a deeper level.