Do you think GAG should combine these topics?

And, depending on where you guys live, and your cultural backgrounds, dating someone Black and 13 years older could bring up a bunch of shitty reactions on the part of his friends and family.

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Not necessarily, but it could. That's not a reason not to do it - it's just something to be aware of and prepared for it it happens, because you're both going to need to handle that as a team. Before you start worrying about your 50s and 60s, I would think about a little nearer in the future. One of my good friends in his mid-thirties dated a year old for quite some time. I would say that one thing to consider is that there is what is between the two of you, and there is how the two of you as a couple face the world together - that includes your hopes and dreams, but it also is how you navigate day to day amongst your social circle and how much satisfaction or frustration that brings you.

Between the two of them, they were pretty compatible and had a great time one-on-one If they wanted to go out together and spend time with friends, it was always one side's friends or another. They found it difficult to organically bring all their friends together in any way that would meaningfully stick.


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Either he spent his weekends hanging with all her early 20s friends, listening to their early 20s conversations about grad school hopes and roommate drama and wanting to teach abroad, or she came along to all of our more relatively sedate mid 30s dinner parties and listened to us drone on about wanting to refinish our floors and the challenges of having newly real pressures at work and how we felt about how politics had changed since we first started voting a decade and a half ago.

It wasn't just a disparity in type of activity - it was the pace of it, the cost of it, the tone of it. Neither felt fully comfortable in the other's world. Not that this sort of constant switching of hats as a couple was inherently a bad thing, but it became a very split existence for them as a couple, and increasingly lonely for each of them to be the lone fish out of water while the other was "at home" amongst their generation. It made them each feel, over time, that their relationship existed in some strange vacuum that took an exhausting force of will to sustain.

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You hope that as a couple, you build not only the foundation for your relationship but a foundation for a circle of loved ones you both feel at home in. I think that can be much more of a challenge when there's a significant age difference. The two of you may be able to get along cross-generationally, but I wouldn't underestimate how lonely it can get when you feel like you two AS A UNIT don't really feel like you have a place in the larger fabric of your lives. You don't sound like a very old soul.

HOW OLD IS MY HUSBAND? - AmandaMuse

You sound like you are in a tearing hurry - and you don't need to be. The person is much more important than arbitrary factors like age. You could spend ten years waiting to meet the right person who is the "right" age. You could meet him and he could be hit by a bus three months later - or you could. So just date him. There aren't any rules. An old soul knows how seldom we form those real connections, and wouldn't think of losing one over an something so irrelevant. Anitanita - thank you, I think you really understood my question.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating someone older than you

In regards to "what does a 35 year old want with a 22 year old" - he didn't go and seek me out for being younger. We met salsa dancing - the salsa community is small enough that 19 year olds are mixed in with 60 year olds, and people go primarily to dance, rather than find people to go home with them like at a bar.


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So we just started talking, and he was new to the area, so I agree to go hang out with him. And then there was a connection, so we saw each other again. It was only the last 2 dates that age came up - he thought I would have been older. I didn't ask what difference age makes - he asked me. I told him my concerns You are putting the cart so far in front of the horse that the horse can't even see the cart. He had already had a career as a dancer in vaudeville, a stint in Germany during WWII, a failed marriage, and an affair with a German chorus girl resulting in the birth of his first son.

She had worked behind the bar at her parents' tavern and, I believe, had never been out of the state where she was born. Sixty years later, they're still together -- she's 81 and he's going on And yes, she does a ton of caregiving because: But they have had an absolutely devoted marriage, during which they ran a business together and raised a terrific, happy family. So can it work out? Do I think you need to worry about it right now?

All you have to do right now is enjoy getting to know each other. Take care of the present and the future will take of itself. In the near future, I think your biggest problem might be that he doesn't want to settle down. If he's 35 and not married, not in a long-term relationship, hasn't bought a house, doesn't have kids, doesn't even have a long-term career, then those things are probably not very high priorities for him. They aren't high priorities for many people.

But it sounds like they might be for you. And that could cause conflict. My husband is 10 years older than me. We met when I was At the time, we were both students: I was an undergrad, and he was just finishing up a PhD. So in some ways our lives were similar, and we had a lot in common.

One issue was that he was just leaving that social context, though, and I was just beginning in it. I had another 10 years of university including grad school ahead of me, and he soon signed on to work as an investment banker in London. That was tricky to navigate. We had less in common the next few years. Fortunately for me, he hated banking and went back into academia, and our goals and values and everyday life overlapped a bit more again. The only other issue we have had, if I can even call it that, is that our relationship initially worked because he was kind of an immature 28, and I was a fairly mature The thing is, though, a mature year-old either stays the same, or gets more mature over the next 10 years.

That is not always the case for an immature 28 year old.

What You Must Know Before Dating an Older Man

Fortunately the stint of investment banking in a foreign country kicked his ass into doing a hell of a lot of growing up. He would admit to this too, btw: I'm not just saying it. Without that, I think we would have become incompatible over the next decade. I can speak a bit about this issue because my brother is twenty years old than his wife. My brother started dating young women naturally when he was 20 but as he got older, his new girlfriends remained more or less the same age. This may seem relatively unimportant but it does have some importance as the relationship develops.

When I make certain cultural references to my partner who is more or less my age she gets them straight away. I can remember my brother having issues with one of his previous girlfriends when she did not. The second issue is friends. His friends are his age, her friends are her age, so they have far less in common when they get together. His current and longest-lasting relationship is with his current wife. But he was around 50 when the first was born. He had no experience of or interest in children. He had been a lousy uncle to mine. He has turned out to be a poor father YMMV.

Two of his certainly are Asperger's. Finally, at his age, he will be 80 when the youngest finishes college. Health issues are already very much there in his case and will only get worse. None of this should put you off. YMMV and, anyway, the most important thing is if you love and care for one another. But they are issues you be thinking of. It's not so much that after 4 dates I think we'll for sure end up together, but my purpose in dating is figuring out who I'm going to marry, so I want to figure this out ASAP You are twenty-two years old, woman. If you go into any potential liason with the same attitude that you would have if you were renting a car to decide whether to buy it, your dating life is going to seem more serious and more fraught than it ever needs to be.

You're writing about this guy in a way that suggests you're working out how much the maintenance is going to cost you down the road. Take a deep breath and choose your partners based on how they make you feel and how they treat you more than a tick-list of Potential Husband Material criteria. I'm not wishing to sound patronising, but people change a lot during their twenties, and the person who seems right for you at 22 might not by My sister started dating her husband at Was married at He turned 40 last year.

They are so incredibly happy. Good relationships can be hard to come by.

7 Things to Love about Dating an Older Man Love

Just my two cents. My family really liked him, once they met him. Maybe it was a little odd, not sure.


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It wasn't for me. Some of his family thought maybe I could be some sort of gold-digger We met at work, so, it wasn't a weird bar pickup thing there, either. We knew we were similar in a lot of social views, and had fun together, and went from there. We've been together 15 years, married for eight. I've been with my partner for 8 years, and there's a 17 year age difference. I'll agree with the other posters who caution that at 22 you may be getting ahead of yourself in seeing this as a potential marriage relationship, and for the record, I was 31 when I met my partner.

But I'll answer your primary question. There are some long term issues with an age difference. You may find yourself dealing with elder care issues much sooner that your peers. My partner's parents were quite elderly when we met, and they both passed away in the last five years. At one point my partner moved in with his dad to take care of him I still had my own apartment then.