Dating a man out of prison

There are a lot of things to consider before you should commit to dating someone who is in prison.

So, before I share some tips on dating someone in prison, I am going to spend a little time blogging about how to decide if this is the right decision for your life. No little girl ever imagines her prince charming as a man who is in prison. We imagine a man who is strong, honorable, kind, brave, courageous, loving, and gentle who adores us. Unfortunately, sometimes, that man is in prison. I know many men who have transformed their lives and are amazing men of honor who are still in prison. I also know many men who are in prison who have NOT transformed their lives who prey on women so they have someone on the outside to provide money, material things, and a connection to the outside world.

So how do you know who this man is that your friend is trying to set you up with? You cannot spend time together whenever you want to. You do not get to see how he interacts with his friends and family, nor how he acts with your friends. Prison visiting rooms , phone calls , and letters will be the way you communicate and date.

You will never, ever, ever be alone until he comes home. My most important advice here: If you know you do not want to spend the rest of your life with this man, do not date him. Do not waste your time, and his. If, however, you think this man could possibly be someone you could imagine spending the rest of your life with, take the time to get to know him better.

Write letters, ask a lot of questions, check out his answers to be sure he is who he says he is BEFORE you start visiting him.

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I am married to an inmate. I kept saying that in my head over and over again. I am married to a convict!

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How in the world did this happen? I never imagined that I would marry a man who was in prison. I was in shock that my husband was in prison. The women I know who have dated men in prison and it has worked out really well have all been Christians who have prayed and sought wisdom from the Lord before agreeing to make a relationship romantic with someone in prison. I personally believe this is the best way to make any decision about dating anyone. If you have decided to go ahead and date someone who is in prison, it is really important to set some boundaries and stick to them.

Remember that prison culture is completely different than our world out here. There will be some strange rules and also a strange curiosity you may experience that drives you to find out more about the world of prison. Sometimes, that seems safer than dating someone on the outside. This is especially true for you if you have been hurt by someone who found another woman.

Your email address will not be published. Home Family Leadership About Contact. How to find the right one? While patience, perseverance, transparency and good communication are great, here are a dozen additional points to consider. Good luck and be careful! Why go this route?

This is an important step: Are you having no luck in society? Do you want a situation that more easily justifies your desire to go slowly? Are you working on your self-esteem and, for now, need the safety, additional confidence and security that dating a prisoner might offer? Whatever your reasons — good or bad, sensible or borderline irrational — knowing and naming them is a huge point to consider for a successful relationship.

Know what you bring to the table, what you are lacking and what you expect of the other. This is about knowing yourself and your motives honestly. Do you know others in this situation? Get to know people in a like situation for support.

12 Tips To Dating A Prisoner

They can empathize with difficulties as they arise and can be leaned on for advice, especially regarding the lopsided, seemingly one-way aspects that come up. Can you cope with limited contact and other difficulties? How might you manage if there is a change in their release date? The more you know up front, the better prepared you will be. Ask them what they actually did. It tells you, in part, what to be mindful of.

Know what they are doing to change, to better themselves. Do they have an out date? Some may find having a partner in such a limited capacity a plus. Others may want someone weeks from returning to society. I personally would suggest meeting someone with a little bit of time left. Give yourself a minimum of three or more months to get to know this person. There is a reason for discounted prices. Extra time gives you the best opportunity to get to know them and solidify whatever foundation you can. That may enable you to withstand the weight that goes with their return to society.

How do you envision the relationship?

Give it a try and see how it goes? Fix the wrongs in your life? Whatever your expectations, be realistic with them. Be mindful that a lot who are getting out have little to no money, and if they do, their immediate goal will most likely be to get situated and stabilize their self.

It is so important to have that talk as soon as possible and to continually update that. What do you expect, anticipate? The response from friends was funny when I showed them this. It depends on the situations. Mainly it is on you to know — how are they living? Remember, you may start your search for a loved one in here , but ideally you want them to come home and stay home. If going to seg is never their fault, be careful. An inability to be accountable or responsible, combined with poor decision-making, should be further clues.

In here, there is time, more time and then extra time to do most of what you want to do. If their time is spent watching all the TV series and talk shows, if they play cards all day, then what aspirations do they have? If not in here, why out there?

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Phone conversations and erotic letter writing are ways to gauge if a spark exists. Do they have a preoccupation with sex? Every bit of information is a clue to better knowing your potential partner. Who comes to see them? Do they have multiple names there? If they are reluctant to show you their approved visiting list, is there a reason? Perhaps those names are your competition.

The same way you are looking for love, others are as well. All prisoners have access to their list, so ask for a copy. Do they stay in contact with family? Are they estranged from them? What level of contact do they have? Some families lacked closeness prior to the person coming to prison.

In other situations, the separation was a direct correlation to their behaviors. Did they sell the family television? Did they steal silverware, jewelry, the family dog? If unable to mend family ties, if they lack the desire to do so, those could be indicators. People who have more support and connections tend to do better upon release, giving you and your relationship one less struggle to manage. Is this person who they represent? What are the subtle and glaring misrepresentations? We all have them, even in the free world.