He is also obligated to watch for signs that his wife wants sex, and to offer it to her without her asking for it. The woman's right to sexual intercourse is referred to as onah, and it is one of a wife's three basic rights the others are food and clothing , which a husband may not reduce. The Talmud specifies both the quantity and quality of sex that a man must give his wife. It specifies the frequency of sexual obligation based on the husband's occupation, although this obligation can be modified in the ketubah marriage contract.
A man may not take a vow to abstain from sex for an extended period of time, and may not take a journey for an extended period of time, because that would deprive his wife of sexual relations. In addition, a husband's consistent refusal to engage in sexual relations is grounds for compelling a man to divorce his wife, even if the couple has already fulfilled the halakhic obligation to procreate. Although sex is the woman's right, she does not have absolute discretion to withhold it from her husband. A woman may not withhold sex from her husband as a form of punishment, and if she does, the husband may divorce her without paying the substantial divorce settlement provided for in the ketubah.
Although some sources take a more narrow view, the general view of halakhah is that any sexual act that does not involve sh'chatat zerah destruction of seed, that is, ejaculation outside the vagina is permissible. As one passage in the Talmud states, "a man may do whatever he pleases with his wife. Any stories you may have heard about Jewish sex occurring through a hole in a sheet are purely an urban legend. One of the most mysterious areas of Jewish sexual practices is the law of niddah, separation of husband and wife during the woman's menstrual period.
These laws are also known as taharat ha-mishpachah, family purity. Few people outside of the Orthodox community are even aware that these laws exist, which is unfortunate, because these laws provide many undeniable benefits. The laws of niddah are not deliberately kept secret; they are simply unknown because most non-Orthodox Jews do not continue their religious education beyond bar mitzvah , and these laws address subjects that are not really suitable for discussion with children under the age of According to the Torah , a man is forbidden from having sexual intercourse with a niddah, that is, a menstruating woman.
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This is part of the extensive laws of ritual purity described in the Torah. At one time, a large portion of Jewish law revolved around questions of ritual purity and impurity. The law of niddah is the only law of ritual purity that continues to be observed today; all of the other laws applied only when the Temple was in existence, but are not applicable today.
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The time of separation begins at the first sign of blood and ends in the evening of the woman's seventh "clean day. The Torah prohibits only sexual intercourse, but the rabbis broadened this prohibition, maintaining that a man may not even touch his wife or sleep in the same bed as her during this time. Weddings must be scheduled carefully, so that the woman is not in a state of niddah on her wedding night. At the end of the period of niddah, as soon as possible after nightfall after the seventh clean day, the woman must immerse herself in a kosher mikvah, a ritual pool.
The mikvah was traditionally used to cleanse a person of various forms of ritual impurity. Today, it is used primarily for this purpose and as part of the ritual of conversion , though in some communities observant men periodically immerse themselves for reasons of ritual purity. It is important to note that the mikvah provides only ritual purification, not physical cleanliness; in fact, immersion in the mikvah is not valid unless the woman is thoroughly bathed before immersion.
The mikvah is such an important part of traditional Jewish ritual life that traditionally a new community would build a mikvah before they would build a synagogue.
The Torah does not specify the reason for the laws of niddah, but this period of abstention has both physical and psychological benefits. The fertility benefits of this practice are obvious and undeniable. In fact, it is remarkable how closely these laws parallel the advice given by medical professionals today. When couples are having trouble conceiving, modern medical professionals routinely advise them to abstain from sex during the two weeks around a woman's period to increase the man's sperm count at a time when conception is not possible , and to have sex on alternate nights during the remaining two weeks.
When you combine this basic physical benefit with the psychological benefit of believing that you are fulfilling G-d 's will, it is absolutely shocking that more couples with fertility problems do not attempt this practice. The rejection of this practice by the liberal movements of Judaism is not a matter of "informed choice," but simply a matter of ignorance or blind prejudice.
In addition, women who have sexual intercourse during their menstrual period are more vulnerable to a variety of vaginal infections, as well as increased risk of cervical cancer. But the benefits that the rabbis have always emphasized are the psychological ones, not the physical ones.
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The rabbis noted that a two-week period of abstention every month forces a couple to build a non-sexual bond as well as a sexual one. It helps to build the couple's desire for one another, making intercourse in the remaining two weeks more special. It also gives both partners a chance to rest, without feeling sexually inadequate.
They also emphasized the value of self-discipline in a drive as fundamental as the sexual drive. In principle, birth control is permitted, so long as the couple is committed to eventually fulfilling the mitzvah to be fruitful and multiply which, at a minimum, consists of having two children, one of each gender. The issue in birth control is not whether it is permitted, but what method is permitted, and under what circumstances.
Birth control is rather clearly permitted in circumstances where pregnancy would pose a medical risk to the mother or her other children. For example, the Talmud recognizes the use of birth control by very young women, pregnant women or nursing women. However, there is some variance of opinion as to what other circumstances might permit birth control.
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If this is an issue for you, you should consult a competent rabbinic authority. It is well-established that methods that destroy the seed or block the passage of the seed are not permitted, thus condoms are not permitted for birth control. However, the pill is well-recognized as an acceptable form of birth control under Jewish law.
I have also heard some say that a condom would be permitted under Jewish law to prevent the transmission of AIDS or similar diseases, because preserving the life of the uninfected spouse takes priority; however, I am not certain how authoritative this view is. Jewish law not only permits, but in some circumstances requires abortion. Where the mother's life is in jeopardy because of the unborn child, abortion is mandatory.
An unborn child has the status of "potential human life" until the majority of the body has emerged from the mother. Potential human life is valuable, and may not be terminated casually, but it does not have as much value as a life in existence.
The Talmud makes no bones about this: But once the greater part of the body has emerged, you cannot take its life to save the mother's, because you cannot choose between one human life and another. Sexual relations between men are clearly forbidden by the Torah. But if dating implies even the most casual physical contact, it is natural that on each date you will want to have more; each partner will feel impelled to give a little more, to let down a few more barriers, until there is little left to surrender.
The result is a transaction in which the young woman is selling herself cheaply, and all too often, suffers a loss of self-respect, self-worth, self-esteem, and in many instances the breaking of the relationship. In order to master the fire of attraction rather than be consumed by it, Judaism teaches the virtue and value of tsnius or modesty.
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The body should always be properly and tastefully covered, in order to preserve a sense of dignity, worth and self-respect, rather than openly flaunted and thus debased. To the Jew, tsnius is a major element of true beauty. True beauty lies not in what we reveal but in that which we conceal. Only a body properly clothed, not openly flaunted, is a fitting vessel for containing the true human beauty which lies beneath the surface of the physical self.
True feminine beauty has little in common with the artificial image of beauty projected by American cosmetic firms, television screens and advertising industries. The notion that true beauty, allure or happiness is determined by the extent to which a girl approaches the ideal in a physical sense is so much deceptive nonsense.
The ideal is an arbitrary and often cruel standard that causes much needless unhappiness for those who take it too seriously, and as a result become slaves to a stereotyped notion of beauty. Real feminine beauty is a highly subjective, personal matter. It is much more a reflection of poise, bearing, sensitivity, charm and values than of any specific physical feature.
Young women, no matter how physically attractive, remain unconvinced inwardly of their own real beauty until they begin to love and be loved. This suggests two possible insights: Both the conviction of beauty and mature love develop fully, deepen and are nurtured only in the context of married life. This will explain why women who do not fit the stereotype, and are not beautiful by Madison Avenue criteria, are loved, admired and regarded as being highly attractive and desirable by their husbands. In a sustained marital relationship, the external physical criteria of attractiveness are harmonized with the primary personality factors.
In marriage, one soon discovers that deeds and attitudes are far more important than artificial standards of mere physical beauty. Lacking these ingredients, all the physical attractions in the world will not sustain a relationship, or provide long run happiness for either party. Secret of a Good Marriage. Jewish View of Modesty, Dress, Clothing.
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