No matter how nice a guy he is, you are a temporary diversion for him. This is not an easy statement to comprehend. Unfortunately it is true.
The beginning of an affair is romantic and naughty at the same time. Planning to be together becomes a fascinating game and is thrilling to say the least. Stealing hours from work or home to have sex is exciting, and you may mistake his libido-driven passion for undying love. The game soon becomes a chore for him, and romantic interludes are just one more thing he "has to do.
He will not leave his wife. Less than 5 percent of men leave their wives for the woman with whom they are having an affair.
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Whether it is because of all the legal and financial problems attached to divorce, religious beliefs or the fact that they have become comfortable with their marriage the way it is -- or even because they still have a certain affection for their wives, men rarely end up with the other woman. Even Katharine Hepburn knew, and accepted, this fact during her long affair with Spencer Tracy. And don't ever kid yourself on this important point: He is still having sex with his wife, no matter what you may want to believe. Legally, financially and emotionally, you have no claim.
You may realize that you have no claim legally or financially, but you would think there'd be an emotional attachment or bond between you and your lover.
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In fact there usually isn't after the affair is over. Even though he has a deep feeling of love for you, he is able to process it in an unemotional way. He's not a bad guy, he may be a wonderfully kind person, but he is also a practical one. He knows that holding on to emotions that can only cause problems for his family is something he cannot and will not do. When it's over, he will move on. To safeguard yourself from too much emotional pain, you need to understand that he can only be a small part of your life and will never be more than that no matter how many promises are made.
You need to have a life that works and that is full enough to withstand the pain of the eventual breakup.
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He has one and you need one, too. A solid circle of friends and a social life separate from your hidden life with him is a necessity. Let your friends know that you still want to go out with them regularly. Don't always be so ready to cancel plans you have made with others to accommodate him. Casual dating with male friends helps, too.
It allows you to see yourself through the eyes of another man who finds you interesting and attractive. In the courts of Europe, particularly Versailles and Whitehall in the 17th and 18th centuries, a mistress often wielded great power and influence. The mistresses of both Louis XV especially Madame de Pompadour and Charles II were often considered to exert great influence over their lovers, the relationships being open secrets. Occasionally the mistress is in a superior position both financially and socially to her lover.
As a widow, Catherine the Great was known to have been involved with several successive men during her reign; but, like many powerful women of her era, in spite of being a widow free to marry, she chose not to share her power with a husband, preferring to maintain absolute power alone. Lawrence 's work Lady Chatterley's Lover portrays a situation where a woman becomes the mistress of her husband's gamekeeper. During the 20th century, as many women became better educated and more able to support themselves, fewer women found satisfaction in the position of being a mistress and were more likely to be in relationships with unmarried men.
The practice of having a mistress continued among some married men, especially the wealthy. Occasionally, men married their mistresses. The late Sir James Goldsmith , on marrying his mistress, Lady Annabel Birley , declared, "When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy". For male mistress, the more general term "lover" can be used, but it does not carry the same implications.
If the man is being financially supported, especially by a wealthy older woman or man, he is a kept man. The term mister-ess has been suggested. In 18th and 19th-century Italy , the terms cicisbeo and cavalier servente were used to describe a man who was the professed gallant and lover of a married woman.
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Another word that has been used for a male mistress is gigolo , though this carries connotations of brief duration and expectation of payment, i. In both John Cleland 's Fanny Hill and Daniel Defoe 's Moll Flanders , as well as in countless novels of feminine peril, the distinction between a "kept woman" and a prostitute is all-important. Apologists for the practice of mistresses referred to the practice in the ancient Near East of keeping a concubine ; they frequently quoted verses from the Old Testament to show that mistress-keeping was an ancient practice that was, if not acceptable, at least understandable.
With the Romantics of the early 19th century, the subject of "keeping" becomes more problematic, in that a non-marital sexual union can occasionally be celebrated as a woman's free choice and a noble alternative. Maryann Evans better known as George Eliot defiantly lived "in sin" with a married man, partially as a sign of her independence of middle-class morality. Her independence required that she not be "kept". Margaret Mitchell 's novel Gone with the Wind also implies that Scarlett O'Hara should be the mistress of Rhett Butler, which was thought of as prostitution by O'Hara as she said she would be no better than Belle Watling.
Women adored him and he adored women.
Mistress (lover)
He married three times and had numerous mistresses. He had eight children by four different women, and never have I seen a more closely knit family. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Female who is in an extra-marital sexual relationship. This article needs additional citations for verification.
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Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. December Learn how and when to remove this template message. Retrieved May 6, Is it as Glamorous as it Seems? The works of Henry Fielding, with a life of the author, Volume 3. There is some dispute about the exact wording.