If you were a bit dumb or smart but not attractive maybe it would be easier. Would love to hear back from you. I'm in NYC, perhaps location is also an issue for you. Thanks for the reply, it was a long time ago I posted this and I guess there are some updates. The first one is that one of the guys who'd dated and dumped came back to me and asked me back out again.
After a long period of him making amends, we dated briefly for a while and it had the same result he ran away. Another one of the guys came back to me to "check in" and told me he was in a new relationship with a wonderful woman sent me a photo of them together and then asked me if I'd like to hook up because he still fantasised about me sexually. So clearly - this guy was just a total and utter jerk and as it transpired he didn't want to date anyone with children because he didn't want to feel responsible.
So I guess with hindsight I have seen a bit that maybe I just picked sucky men. I am also in one of the world's biggest cities and I think that a men are spoiled for choice and enabled to treat women like crap and b a lot of men in their early forties who are on the dating scene are just douche bags and there's a reason they're single. I am still single, but I no longer "do" online dating.
I am just getting on with my life, happily, quietly single but feeling better for not letting some scummy guy come along and make me feel bad. I do feel lonely sometimes, but I think the world has changed and it's incredibly difficult to just meet someone genuine and normal. I agree it's probably easier if you're not that attractive. Edited on December 19, at How I feel for you. I listen to men who explain how they believe so many of today's women only see them as "walking wallets" in the same manner. Most of these men today point their fingers at Feminism and assert that it is what turned women against men woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle etc etc So as men male chauvinist pigs have been stripped of any of the earlier mores of "chivalry" they are often left with little else to offer but their sex drive.
When I first got on the internet just after the mid 90's I was shocked to read teen girls lamenting, "my mom's Feminism has ruined men for me". MGTOW men go their own way I've watched this progress since I was in UNI in the 80's. The middle class has withered, and you can watch the old TV reruns or old Movies and see a big difference between then and now. I don't think men or women are really happy with things as they are today, but that how it is just the same. If you look at the Census maps of where the women are and where the men are you can see the New England area has a huge population of single women and southern California has the same of men.
This isn't to say that it is hopeless today The irony that I personally experience every day is the sheer number of mid 30's to mid 40's women smiling at me and saying hello.
It seems in the past 30 years all I got was suspicious or accusatory looks from them. I think they would have been more friendly towards a skunk.
I think you're right about the feminist movement changing things a little, but also internet dating and technology. I find whatsapp to be the killer of romance. It's like the laziest form of communication and a lot of "men" nowadays want to text all day and night and do nothing real. I remember being younger and it wasn't like this. I had no trouble getting commitments. We'd meet, the guy would ask me out and we'd do stuff together,. No cheating, no surfing tinder for better options, no texting. Just fun together and even though those relationships didn't last at least they WERE relationships!
Now sometimes I date someone for 3 - 4 months and feel like we're still strangers.
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ShogunBigguns Send a private message. Sounds to me as if you are Dating "Down" at least as far as maturity goes. Thesadtruth Send a private message. Well with so many women nowadays that are very very busy sleeping around all the time which they will never find the time to commit to only one man anyway, especially since most women now like to just party all the time and get wasted with their girlfriends every chance they get.
So how in the world would these kind of women be marriage material to begin with? Not a chance at all since it is these women that just don't know what real commitment is all about. And to think back in the old days when most of the women at that time were very old fashioned and real ladies as well compared to the women of today that are so very pathetic altogether now unfortunately. No wonder why men in those days had no trouble at all meeting women since it definitely was a much easier time for them just like it was for our family members as well.
Realitycheck33 Send a private message. Well with so many women nowadays that are sleeping around with different men all the time, they will never be able to settle down with only one anyway. And with so many women that like to party with their girlfriends and get real wasted which tells the whole true story right there. So you are opening the sale, but not closing it.
40 Signs He Wants A Long Term Relationship Vs. He Just Wants To Hookup
It's hard to say without knowing more details, but here are some possibilities. If you have sex with them, and they drop you, then you're right, they viewed you as an object. This means you're choosing the wrong guys to date. If you don't have sex with them, and they drop you, there is a chance that you're putting up too many hoops for them to jump through.
Men want to have sex with women they date. Is it possible that you're being too defensive and stand-offish, not allowing normal intimacy to develop? This doesn't mean you should jump into bed just because he wants to. But you sound a little defensive about how much they just view you as an object, and they might be getting the message and fleeing.
Another possibility and these thoughts are all just possibilities is that you are too independent. Guys do want to be needed, not to be mooched on, but to have a role in their partner's life. Do you allow room for this? Finally, this 2 year friend makes me wonder what kind of guys you like. After all, he was saying things to you he should have been saving for his gf. He doesn't sound like a standup guy. I don't mean to sound like I'm blaming you, but you are the common denominator so I think you need to look at what you're doing.
Because it's not likely that all the guys you meet are the kind who view women solely as sex objects. They tend to drop me after we have had sex, or they want to downgrade the relationship to friends with benefits telling me out of nowhere that they love being with me but just don't see me as a girlfriend. The last three said straight up "I love our time together and I want to keep seeing you but I just don't see us a boyfriend and girlfriend" and none of them could or would articulate why that was.
If I walk away they will keep coming back to me for sex or declaring they made a huge mistake I don't allow it obviously but they try. So it is really a case of them loving the sex bit or the chase part but not loving me! Many of them have gone on to have relationships with other women after me, so they're not incapable. Just didn't want it with me. I like to think I am attracted to nice guys, but maybe I am also drawn to men who are a little out of reach for some reason emotionally. Not to say they are playing hard to get because they come on very strong with me, but I guess you could say that I never quite feel they are really giving me a chance if that makes sense?
Hard to explain but maybe the term is emotionally unavailable, maybe I am attracted to emotionally unavailable men? Not in an obvious way, like the guys who don't call. I always go for guys who call a lot and take me on nice dates and spoil me with lots of attention but maybe I sense they are holding something back from making a real effort at a relationship? I do it because I am shy, and, of course, if I say nothing, I cant put my foot in my mouth.
But here's the thing, other folks see this as judgmental. I don't intend it that way, frankly I don't give a hoot if you smoke, drink, or gamble.
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But all too often people see those as vices and weakness, and feel I am judging. See what I did there? I have been mulling that over for a few hours, and possibly I am a little afraid of commitment or at least making a mistake. The idea both makes me feel warm and hopeful and also send chills down my spine. Not in the sense that I don't want commitment, but more that I am worried about loving someone who will hurt or let me down.
Once I start to like them I warm up and become very affectionate. Maybe this scares them off? One thing I am guilty of that I have been thinking over is maybe ignoring red flags.
What To Do When You Want to Date a Hookup
During the first stages I am very careful and critical and out of every men maybe 1 makes it through the gauntlet, but once he is through, I am a bit blind to flaws or problems. I think sometimes I get red flags and ignore them and this has led to me being hurt. Like for example the MUCH younger guy who told me age didn't matter and then dumped be for someone much younger - because of course age does matter and deep down he wanted kids etc. Or for example the man who told me he hadn't had a relationship longer than 3 months in 5 years who broke up with me after three months.
So maybe psychologist hat on that was because subconsciously I was scared of commitment so I committed to people I knew weren't going to return that to me. Of course, once we diagnose the issue, we can work on that, cant we?