The dilemma I have a year-old daughter who I believe is in a relationship with a year-old man. It's been going on since she was around 17, when she began babysitting for his children. When I ask her about it, she flatly denies it, but she is an attractive girl who has never shown any interest in guys her own age, and she lies to me about where she is going. We have had a troubled relationship for a number of years, although she's still living at home.

I split up from her father five years ago and although I have a reasonably amicable relationship with him, my daughter does not. He's in a new relationship and chooses to believe what he wants; he points out that she's off his hands now she is over I am fed up with her lying to me, but she is my child and I want the best for her. Should I confront her with her father there, too? Should I speak to the man she is having the relationship with? I don't know what to do. I'm not really sure what your goal here is - and I'm fairly certain that you're equally in the dark.

Is your intention to get her to end the relationship, to encourage her to confide in you in order to improve the relationship between you, or to have a family showdown?

Your husband may not be all you hoped for, but he's certainly got a point. Your child is now an adult and any jot of juristic control that you once had over her comings and goings and general choices in life is no longer in effect. Its called child luring. Originally Posted by loose cannon. He is not way too old. If he is really 24 that is fine. These laws need to be adjusted or at least examined on a case by case basis. I have long been in support of year olds dating older men in their 20's.

Im not kidding here. Im 40 and only pursue woman that are When I was 30 I dated a 19 year old. Can anyone give any better argument than some variation of "I think it's yucky" as to why a year-old shouldn't date a year-old?

Dear Mariella

You have every right to take away that stuff. He wants to get in her pants. Many guys have a thing for younger girls. They are easier to manipulate and control.

Get to know him as a friend

There really is no good reason any 24 yr old person in general would be hanging around a 16 yr old. I would get a restraining order against him. That means no contact as well. Sorry but i had enough friends get into trouble with older guys and i know exactly what i am talking about. NOw when she is 20 and he is 27 that may be another story all together. BUt at this point in her development i would nix it. If she doesn't like it.

Originally Posted by vizufx Wednesday my 16 year old daughter ran away and left me a note. I was able to find proof on her computer she was taking a flight to visit 24 year old man. The core reason I didn't go around my girlfriend to ask her parents this was mostly out of respect for her autonomy. She was "old for her age", and in the end it turned out her parents had never expected differently from her. Reading some of the other answers, I think everyone is pushing too much advice onto you and as a parent you already know much of what they are saying.

Become closer to her boyfriend and carefully insert yourself into his life. Have a conversation with your daughter about her excitement and experience instead of voicing your concerns. Make it about sharing what she is going through and what her fears are. Reassure her that love is not something to be afraid of. Tell her to embrace the intensity of her emotions so she can always remember these feelings.

Begin placing responsibility onto your daughter that keeps her involved in her own family's life.

For example you can decide that Sundays she must help you to cook so that you can pass on your tricks to her. Go with her to do STI screenings and teach her that one must always keep getting checked regardless of monogamy and commitment. It's just good habit.

You already sound like a great parent so just continue being that. My first love was 14 years older than me and I can tell you that your concerns are justified. If he begins to mistreat her or you see any signs of emotional abuse then you can put your foot down in a loving and parental way. Her boyfriend and his family should be well aware of this fact. Things are above-board and within bounds, it seems. If you trust your daughters judgement and maturity then you can ration your concerns or reserve them for indications of the pace of progress in the relationship.

Relative age difference will diminish quickly over time. I don't have much else to add but I would bring you to note that age is not just a chronological number. There is biological age and your mental and emotional age to consider. The specific circumstances in your daughter's instance might not be out of order. Your daughter is in a high risk, but also high reward situation. You can't and shouldn't prevent the relationship, but you should set some ground rules to minimize the risks, and maximize the rewards. I am reminded of an old American story of a year old girl who chased and won a year old military officer, who later became a General, William Westmoreland.

At an early age, she had latched on to a "winner," and her life was made. I see a possibility of that happening here. It's comforting to know that the young man "seems a very sensible person, and owns his own successful business. If he is also "honourable," and this is the key, he will protect your daughter. If this is the case, "the game is worth the candle. The main thing is to set some standards.

First, that "protection" is used for all physical activities.

Dear Mariella: My year-old daughter is dating a year-old man | Life and style | The Guardian

Second, that she keeps track of where the relationship is at all times. Third, that she comes to you for help and guidance if she ever feels that she's in over her head. Adolescent girls are more mature than guys by several years , in the late teens and early 20s. So the eight year difference in ages may be more like four or five in maturity.

It could be that two people who are both unusually mature for their ages "found" each other at a young age. If that's the case, they will be more compatible over the long term than either with other, more "random," people closer to their own age. It's also possible that one or both of them senses this.

As parents, I wouldn't stand in their way, but I would "stand by" for possible trouble. Thank you for your interest in this question. Because it has attracted low-quality or spam answers that had to be removed, posting an answer now requires 10 reputation on this site the association bonus does not count. Would you like to answer one of these unanswered questions instead? Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered. How to respond to 17 year old daughter going out with a 25 year old man?

Tom Au 1 7. Please use comments for clarification, not tangential observations or answers -- use Parenting Chat if you want to discuss! Sorry, I don't understand your point, "I can only think he's with her for one reason! If you're not a native English speaker, that phrase "for one reason!