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Doing Tinder is a nightmare without alcohol. Ones, who for them, drinking and doing drugs was an issue and who are constantly on the precipice of driving back down sauce street with you trapped in the passenger seat. All the while his sexual stock is plummeting, as the guy across the table from me is getting drunker and less able to do the job in hand. Actually being able to remember shit that happens during a night out the next morning is another annoying side effect of turning sober.


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  • The Dos and Don’ts of Dating a Recovering Addict!
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  • Really Naked: How intimacy changes when you get sober!
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  • Dating a Recovering Alcoholic | Single and Sober!

You come to the conclusion that you had a lot of truly awful sex when you were drinking — a realization that alone has been enough to put me off one night stands forever. Order by newest oldest recommendations. Show 25 25 50 All. Threads collapsed expanded unthreaded. This kind of codependency of addiction and intimacy issues make it difficult to separate the two on the path to recovery, and it is crucial to treat both equally and even simultaneously.

Clearly, it is next to impossible for individuals who abuse alcohol or drugs to keep up healthy relationships, either with new acquaintances or with loved ones. Since the road to recovery requires a renewed dedication to sobriety, it also requires a commitment to recovering the intimate potential of relationships. Of course, the level of intimacy varies person-to-person and relationship-to-relationship.

However, there are several hallmarks of an intimate relationship that everyone should look for: One of the major hang-ups for individuals on the road to recovery is an innate fear of intimacy. This is not necessarily caused by a fear of intimacy itself, but rather what intimacy can bring — including the perceived danger of the relationship and the potential of either being hurt or hurting others.

It is this fear of the outcome of intimacy that leads recovering alcoholics to avoid intimacy altogether. Individuals with a fear of intimacy may certainly value love and intimacy, but are attempting to protect themselves or others by keeping at a distance.

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This applies to both emotional and physical intimacy, and is only compounded when the two converge. A range of personal, psychological and emotional factors can cause the fear of intimacy for recovering addicts. Some recovering addicts may have experienced physical or psychological abuse as a child, while others take issue with their physical appearance. Some have issues of low self-esteem, which extends into areas of intimacy. Others may have a bitter romantic experience in the past, which may lead them to fear intimacy in the future.

Fear of intimacy is also a symptom of depression, which is highly correlated with substance abuse and alcoholism. Whatever the cause, the fear of intimacy has the same symptoms, which can be recognized both by the individual and by others around them.

Those with a fear of intimacy may exhibit some of the following: Once these signs, causes and symptoms are understood, overcoming intimacy issues on the road to recovery is certainly not impossible. With healthy insight into how your addiction has affected your closest relationships, you should be able to start recovering those relationships for the better. However, you should proceed with an air of caution: This is for one major reason: During the first year, the recovering addict should focus on rediscovering who they are.

This period of self-discovery is about relearning their hobbies and interests, figuring out about their career and other goals and reconnecting with their dreams and hopes in life.


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The recovering addict must create a new person from who they were before the addiction or during their time of being addicted. The first year is about taking care of themselves and learning how to love and trust the person they see in the mirror.

Why would/wouldn't you date a recovering alcoholic? (Three years sober) : AskMen

Problems in those relationships can lead to cravings for the substance as a way to deal with the issues. When a person is involved in a relationship, they are at a higher risk for relapse. A second danger of getting involved in a relationship during early recovery is the risk for a second addiction. Sex and romantic relationship can become addictive as a way to help the person feel better and have a better opinion of themselves. When things go wrong as they often do in an addictive relationship, the person is more likely to return to drug or alcohol use.

The Dos and Don’ts of Dating a Recovering Addict

When you find yourself past this benchmark, consider the following tips as you start your foray into sexual and romantic liaisons: Without alcohol, experiencing sexual intimacy can be an entirely different beast. It may be a spouse, parent-child relationship or even siblings, but there will be broken relationships to mend once a person has gone through drug or alcohol addiction treatment. In some of these situations, the people may have no contact with each other.

In other scenarios, they may still live in the same house and have contact, but the relationship has been severely damaged because of the addiction. The other people will have to learn to trust the addict again, and they will also need to develop trust in others. Both parties will need to deal with the issues in the relationship, and they may require family therapy to get past some of those problems.

Communication is essential for any relationship to survive and thrive after addiction.

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You may need to learn to communicate in a different way. For some, they must learn how to express their feelings to others instead of keeping everything inside. Not all relationships should be maintained. They may need to end the association until the other person is ready to make changes.