Get her to a support group meeting. Take her to a seminar. Since teens are known for rebelling , it makes your job very tricky - especially when you want her to stop seeing a current love interest.
Help! My Teen is Dating Someone Who’s Abusing Drugs
An ultimatum might only encourage her to run right into their arms - and stay there. You can set rules that make it very difficult for the relationship to continue. One essential boundary is no drugs in the house. This should be especially easy for your daughter to accept if you have other children.
My job is to protect this family, including your little sister, and to do that, I have to insist on a no-tolerance policy. Once you set boundaries, you need to stick to them. Focus on the drugs: Express concerns about her choices, but keep the focus on the drugs, not the boyfriend or girlfriend. Instead, you create a scenario where her loved ones are all expressing concern about her current dating choices.
Our daughters are the joy of our lives. They are lovely young women who have the world at their fingertips. We are greatly blessed.
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I've been referring to him as "our friend" throughout my posts. It hasn't felt right to do so since the beginning, and it still doesn't feel right. He's a real young man, he has a real name, and our relationship with him is real We don't see him anymore, nor do we hear from him. And, that, I think, is best for all of us. It was my intention to get his permission to use his name, but I'm no longer sure that is necessary. In one of my last conversations with him, I told him about this blog and that I'd direct him to it if he ever had an interest in reading it.
That option remains open to him. In the meanwhile, instead of calling him "our friend," he'll be referred to as Zack. Over the past several months, I am sure that Zack has at least texted our daughter, and I know that his family has had some communication with her. But, it's not the same as it was, nor will it ever be.
The relationship changed when it became clear that he did not intend to live the gospel centered life he had always said was important to him, and that he claimed to be working so hard on. For a while, it seemed like he was really moving in that direction and that he was intent on becoming the person he often said he wanted to be.
In fact, not many weeks ago, I sent him a short message on the anniversary of his 12 month sobriety date. He replied with enthusiasm, said he was doing great, and that he'd like our family to become involved in his life again. I responded by stating that our love for him was real, that we wanted only the best for him and that we still believe he is meant for great things in this life. Since things have been going so well for both of them, going backwards didn't seem like a good idea. Continuing ahead on the paths they are on seemed a much better idea. I sincerely hoped that he would understand and that he would continue to prove himself through his actions.
But, his adherence to the gospel he claimed to love was of equal importance to us if he was going to maintain a relationship with our daughter. Was it the fact that we were standing in the way of the relationship he wanted to restart with our daughter? Were his words to me about how well he was doing and how much our family meant to him only meant to manipulate us into allowing him access again?
I believe that Zack would have stayed in town had I acquiesced and allowed him to start up a relationship with our daughter again. I think he would have tried to make us believe he was ready to live the lifestyle that he knows is so important to her. I don't think he would have succeeded at making us believe he was back on track with the gospel. I think they would have both ended up being miserable This life is too short to pretend that you are something or someone you are not. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to those around you.
He has said as much. I hope time allows him to see just how valuable those relationships were. I am hopeful that time and maturity will allow him to recognize that we really do want the best for him, and that we have acted in his best interest, as well as that of our own family.
Although I miss him, I do not miss the daily grind of worrying about Zack's drug addiction and the consequences it could have for our daughter, and the rest of our family. Don't get me wrong. I still worry about him from time to time. I pray for him often. But, I would be lying to say that dealing with the consequences of his poor choices wasn't a burden of sorts. I have empathy for Zack, for his family, and for others who suffer from drug addiction and from the collateral destruction it leaves in its wake.
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In the end, he could not maintain the cherade. The pressure to be something he was not became too intense.
He is back on track with his recovery. But, he has not decided that the effort to live a gospel centered life is for him. Nor do they have to. But, that can only happen if he is honest about who he is and what he wants. Our daughter held strong convictions before she met him. She allowed him into her life based upon his promises that he shared those convictions. When it became clear that he was trying to be something he wasn't, it also became clear to that it was time to let go. It hasn't been easy. But most good things aren't. Posted by anr at 5: Thursday, March 15, Better Safe than Sorry.
My daughter's friend was always so attentive to her. He was considerate, and it was obvious that he loved being with her. One day they were in a grocery store, and he told her he had to go to the bathroom, and that he'd be right back. She continued to shop and soon realized that he did not come right back. He was gone the entire time she shopped. On another occasion, the two were eating at a fast food chain.
He excused himself to go to the bathroom. He was gone for quite some time. This disappearing act was not normal; in fact, it was very uncharacteristic of him. And, yet, it seemed to be happening more and more over the course of several days. Our friend had been asked to move out of his family's home due to his use of drugs before we met him. He moved in with one of his grandmothers for a period of time. Of course, she loved him and wanted him to be healthy, and he loved her. She would never have expected him to lie to her, or to do drugs in her home.
My Daughter Dated a Heroin Addict * Lessons Learned
Trips to the bathroom were a good refuge for his drug use, even when he was asked to leave the door open; for obvious reasons. One of the worst things you can do for a drug addict is to trust them. Hearing his mother cry at night, having his dad tell him he didn't recognize his son anymore, knowing that he abused the trust of his grandma, the distance he felt from his siblings; these are things that tortured him. These are just a couple of examples of things to look for around a drug addict.
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Any behavior that seems odd; frequent trips to the bathroom, disappearing from planned events, going to bed early, requesting privacy, needing space, asking for money Don't be afraid to confront them. The old adage "better safe than sorry" couldn't be more applicable. In the case of a drug user,it could easily mean the difference between life and death. Posted by anr at 4: Monday, February 27, Sticks and "Stoners Isn't name calling just for grammar school playgrounds, engaged in by young 'uns that are going through the growing pains of becoming respectful adults?
I am so tired of hearing comments like "needle boy, crackhead, pothead and stoner.