When Does a Big Age Gap in a Relationship Become Abuse?

Meanwhile, no legal system in the world forbids, say, a year-old from having sexual relations with a year-old intern coincidentally, the ages of Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky in As the tide of victims speaking out against sexual abuse continues to sweep the globe, it raises the question: How young is too young?

Adolescent Development, Discrimination, and Consent Law. So how to resolve this paradox? I offer a solution — one based in math.


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In short, the age of consent should not be an arbitrary, universal number, but should change according to the age of the oldest person in the relationship. Fumbling for your calculator? Simply put, pairing year-olds with year-olds, year-olds with year-olds and year-olds with year-olds is not OK. The idea of using a formula to calculate appropriate ages is not new.

Of course, age is just a number, and basing laws upon that is somewhat arbitrary. The idea comes from contract law: Contracts entered into by children can be voided at any time. Regardless of whether legislators will be convinced by my formula, perhaps it could cause a little pause for thought in the bedroom. So what do you think? Let us know by emailing thirdrail ozy.

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The sports organization for children and adults with intellectual disabilities should stop peddling false promises. A news site you'll actually love. Close Search Hey what are you looking for? It looks like you're using Microsoft Internet Explorer 8. We are sorry but This Video does not work with Internet Explorer 8. They need to be honest with themselves and with each other about why they are having their relationship. If they are having it to just be rebellious against parents or authority or because it's "forbidden", those are not good enough motives.

If they are truly in love, time and honesty will keep them together. They don't have to be on the DL if they love each other truly. The only reason why I suggested for them to keep it on the DL is for legal reasons.. I'm not sure if he can still get jail-time if her parents consent the relationship or not, they'd have to find that out.

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They can still BE together, I'm not saying DL in the sense of them not being together, but for legal purposes, they shouldn't flaunt the age difference around. As long as the age of consent is 16 in their state there's really no reason to keep it on the DL since even the parents can't do anything in that case. Most 'cases' you hear about are when one one of the 2 people has a picture of the other on a phone or something since then it's covered by Federal laws that are But otherwise it goes to the state level and the age of consent.

My understanding of the You. Law was consent for a 16 year old from the parents pertained only to marriage; and even then the couple had to wait until the minor was 18 before legally consummating the marriage. The older person could still be arrested, regardless of being married, if for some reason the couple was encounter having sex by the police. People change once they go out into the world and live their own lives apart from relatives and school. Around is when most people turn into the person they are going to be for the rest of their life.

Even if you do spend time with this guy, your priorities may change later in life and you could decide he isn't right for you. If you really get along with each other, there isn't harm in doing activities and such. The best idea may be to just stay good friends until you are older; not officially date or do anything romantic.

Dating age difference - my 16 yo is dating a 26 yo Polish guy

Use the two years to think about what you want to do with your life. Where do you want to go to college, what career do you have in mind, are there any places you'd like to travel to and see. After two years of being his good friend and thinking about your life goals, if you still feel the same way, go for it! I agree and don't think it's wrong to like someone who's older if you are 16, but to remember that feelings and lives change with time and experience.

You may be rushing into something that could leave you burned. I would definitely take it slowly and evaluate your motives and his as well. You should never jump into "love" blindly but use your head also. Depends on their personality if the 16years old girl is mature enough and the 26years old guy is like a big kid then they probably click perfectly but from a view outside people who doesn't know them well will think its a bit weird, It's surely better if the guy wait for the girl turn 18, so they are both in the adult age group rather a teenager and adult.

After all age is just a number, if they able to have a good relationship and love each other then nothing really matter. If it is true love then the guy is gonna wait until the girl is If he is a pedestrian then he will try to exploit her innocence.

Personalized for you

I'm in the same situation and it's frustrating. She's too young with no experience, that explains it all.

Dating age difference - my 16 yo is dating a 26 yo Polish guy

She's not old enough to buy spirits, let alone cocktails! No matter how much we like each other or how well we go together, she needs time to grow as a person. In her state she's too naive and the things she wants, whether it be material or feels, are always changing. All I can do as a man is be noble and be there for her. I need to move on and get over it. The though of us together is just silly.


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  • I say it's wrong, wait until she turns 21 and if you still find that kindle burning, then go for it. Yes yes there are couples that are ten years apart or maybe even more but you need to know that those couples are like ages 21 and older and it makes it ok but since she's a minor and he's not, it really doesn't make it ok because the 16 year has different perspective of life then the 26 year and it kind of makes it harder, the 16 year old doesn't know anything about being an adult or having a job and a lot of stuff, I'm not trying to put her down but I'm just saying that the 26 year old man has a lot more experience and I don't just mean in relationships I mean like life experiences and this can ruin the relationship even when they can hit it off great but still there's a lot more work that needs to be put in a relationship like this because of the age difference.

    Just take that in mind. Sorry I'm not saying it can't work but there's more work since they both have different lives, which can make things a bit harder. Hmm , very good point about the "life experiences". Didn't cross my mind about that. And by the way I have a cousin whose in the same situation too and she's like 20 and he's like 30 years old and she really likes him and everything but she feels like he's always teaching her something because he knows a lot more then her and she feels like she can't contribute to the relationship because she's younger and has not much to offer to him because of the age difference and experience, soo that's why it makes it a bit harder for the relationship to work.

    Well I can tell you from experience is do it if it feels right and if he feels like the one and not just trying to get into your pants I AM 18 YEARS OLD NOW and my man is 27 now as well we started dating when I was 16 years old and he was 24 now we have an amazing apartment together and are happily together still we are both still crazy in love like when we first dated actually and it's crazy too we never had an argue ment or fight since our 2 and half years together we are planning to we'd and move to Minnesota honestly I know he is my soul mate we really fit in with each other it is really crazy!!!

    Which is true I am very wise beyond my years and I have an old soul which I think makes it work between us my man supports me to finish school get a career and get on the right track while he pays the bills and takes care of me as I do for him and before we date we discussed every thing from situations with our age gap to years what where want to be in that time do we discussed every little thing even as am I sure I wanted to date him so I can experience things for my own and stuff like that but I knew what I wanted and that was him And if he treats her with respect and they have feelings for one another its okay.

    My issue here is that this girl is still in high school. If she is spending all this time with this older man, where does that leave her if things go south? She may be incredibly mature, but I was very self aware at 16 as well, and the changes I have undergone from age 16 to age 19 where I am now are astounding to both me and my family. I feel that she needs the time to develop on her own without the overpowering influence of an older boyfriend.

    And what if she wants to go to college? She'll be getting out at 21, ready to start her life, while he is 31, wanting to be married? Give her some space to develop into a woman on her own, because I think having a boyfriend so much older at this stage isn't so great an idea.


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    When she's ish, sure. But not until she's gotten that chance. Uh well hell I was close to dating ten years apart so yes wrong maybe but I'd do it. I'm 16 and it feels right it's not about the sex he doesn't want that. He said if I said no to him he'd understand he's like a kid and I'm pretty mature for 16 s were perf for eachother.